And then it hit me.

The fact that I have to live another goodbye may be the hardest things to do, I know I still have quite sometime but knowing that this particular story has an end is devastating. I've had some moments like this one before, some of them have been even harder to live and still this time it feels like too much.

I don't even know why I am thinking of it right now if I know that I still have a couple of months to get ready, to actually figure everything out how to actually stay while he goes away from me. I think I won't be able to sit in front of that face, to watch it one last time and just let it go. What's the point of getting to know him, to find out the secrets and dreams, what's the point of it all when we both know when it'll all end?

I think some questions are better without an answer, left alone not caring about them... that way you get to live without fear and sadness around. I've say this before, his smile gives me hope, hope to believe that things are good and life is enough. Maybe is the way he talks, how he reacts to every single thing around him, maybe it's just me with my silly idea of better days. Whatever it might be, I don't wanna lose it.

He's gonna be here in a few minutes, he's gonna hold me and kiss me, he's gonna see into my eyes and make me smiles just to leave in a couple of months. Is that cruel enough? Maybe, but that should not be the reason why we stop caring, that should make us stronger and allow us to give everything, to feel everything... That's why I will do the same, hold him, look into his eyes and smile at him just to tell him goodbye. Our hearts may be broken, we may don't feel a thing. We just have to wait and see.