Choices

There is always one point in our lives, that exact moment when we need to be quite, breath in and move on. It might not be easy or not even what we want, but it's always what we need, what can make us have a better life.  We have this moments everyday, what are we having for dinner? where are we going? ... Yes all of that is necessary but is not what this is about. There has to be deeper stuff, emotional moments, radical times when everything we know blows up and we need  to decide what to do next. 

Common believe says that destiny will tell us what's the next step but, destiny is not written by the bigger power, whatever that is for every single one of us, destiny has to be created by every second we live in complete happiness or total sorrow, because at the end of the day, when we're ready to go to bed feeling warm and safe, everything that we went through is just worth it... and that is destiny. 

The different paths we might find ahead of us are just part of the life full of surprises that is expecting us, that one life we got to enjoy every little thing, feel the greatest things and cry about the saddest moments, we can decide which one we want and no matter how hard it gets, there is always hope to help us get to the next station. It's not enough to talk about it and then wait around for things to appear, even when we think we have all figured it out, paths can be tricky and part of growing up means being prepared for whatever comes, god or bad.

Our choices don't defined who we are inside, those actions are just part of the learning we are supposed to get and no school is gonna tell us how to be ready for them, I guess that's all we have at the end, the decisions we made during the short time we get to actually live. We see people suffering everyday, regreting every step they give, believing that life has some hold on them that won't let them carry on, when in reality they are not strong enough to accept how screwed their lifes are because of what they chose, because of the path they took. It's not wrong to be wrong but it is wrong to regret the things you did or said, after all no one can really tell us what to do.

Somehow life has a way to push us and take us to the side we need to walk on, people that come into our tiny personal universe, every university class we ever take, the things our parents used to tell us, those details are there for reasons that we never see clearly but at the same thing all of them take us to the next step. Imagine having one love, the biggest one of all, the one that makes you feel like you're licing a fairytale, and now imagine losing it... feeling lost and broken, staying in bed crying night after night, those feeling can either make you take bad decisions or chosing to be better, to prove the one that got away the things that he is missing out.  Those paths are the ones we should look carefully and then walk on them like every step is the last one we'll ever walk.

Thinking back, reading all those past chapters of life and feeling all those things we once felt, that's the moment when we can look back and decide if we have lived an amazing life of if we have chosed all the wrong stuff and only then we can look forward and truly decide to get even better, to fix all the wrong or to share all the good. But we can never forget that every rock we hit and every flower we smell is making us the person we are.

Murder Monday.

Everyone hates mondays, not only because most of us have to get up and do stuff, mondays are hard, they last too much, they have awful weather, let's be honest no one really wants to talk on mondays... poor monday, so young and already getting so much hate. When you think about it is not really his fault, we as humans love so much the weekend that the poor monday gets hate just because of his poorly existence.

Now, the fact that this compilation of words has taken me over a week to write tells you how much I care about this particular day. To me mondays have a weird feeling, I don't talk too much, I don't have a lot of energy and I don't even wanna move, is like the worst day of life repeating itself over and over and over again.

Mondays never bring any good, I usually mess up things, break things, don't do important things and make my significant others mad on this particular day. Basically my life is ruined every monday, even when I don't mean for it to be that way. Now I don't intend for it to be that way and this same thing can happend in any other day, it actually changes from time to time... tuesdays, fridays, I guess it depends on me and how I react to whatever life gets around me.

Me writing about mondays is not really a surprise, tomorrow it's monday and not only that, my spring break it's so over and I did not do all of the college stuff I was supossed to, yay me! Such an inspiring student. But all of my work is not actually what's got me worried, I'm seeing a pair of amazing eyes tomorrow, a pair that I miss so much, my fear about this situation is clear, isn't it? I'm not a monday girl, I react poorly to this particular day, and worst of all... I lose my ability to talk, go me!

Anyway, this poor day is not the cause of my bad mood, speechless mouth, lazy body... bla bla bla, I guess it's just me refusing to commit and do the things I'm supposed to, I've always been focus, but now every new week makes me feel more lost, I'm just kinda hoping things will work our just fine on this particular monday, they really need to.

Wow, I said monday A LOT.

So far so probably maybe good.

I ask myself if the colours around me are good enough, if the sunset is what I need to delete everything and start over but his tones don't always look good enough, they don't always feel like the end of the day, I'm quite possitive about how the sunset should be a warning about the hours I have left and still I just stare at it asking for better colours. 

Maybe that's what makes me different from everyone and maybe that's what makes me as ordinary as anyone else. People need to ask for better colours otherwise they make a monotonous and pointless life not evey body does it and I believe that's why people gets bored of their lifes and kill themselves. I'm not thinking about killing myself, at least not at this moment so I guess the sunset gave me the exact colours I was looking for.

I can't stop myself from thinking if this story will repeat itself every day, if the red, yellow and orange will always be as perfect as I saw them today and the truth is maybe not, that's why I keep asking for brighter colours with perfect shades created by the clouds and maybe a drop of rain, just one so I don't have to repaint the rainbow, after all I've never really liked those colours.

                                                            Acapulco, my one true love.    

One million nights

A lot has happened, millions of things to say. It all began a bit more than a month ago but it feels like  a life time, like two old souls finding each other after looking for a million nights just to hold their hearts and share a bit of time.

The first night together was a complete rush, a sweet cold going trough their spine making her feel alive like never before. The perfect company he creates, the warm hug and the spontaneous kiss can give her a reason to live, a reason to start all over and fall in love one last time. This first night, this perfect first night will live in her memory for as long as the sun lives to give heat to the world. Maybe that way, the next time they see each other things can be different, maybe they'll try to find time on every corner of the world just to be together one more second.

Loving him is not always easy, there is always a fear, a constant reminder of his expiration date. How can her soul let him in? how can she fall in love with him knowing the days they have left...? Loving him is like smelling the first flower that comes to alive on spring, like feeling the first drop of rain touching her skin, loving him can only bring good to her, loving him... Loving him is the best thing that's ever happened to her. Perhaps that's the reason why the expiration date is not that important.

There was a second time, a second chance for their souls to conect. Her's is stubborn and spoiled, loving and caring, his, on the other hand, is smart and thoughtful, he knows how to love in the most amazing way giving everything and taking nothing back. His soul and heart are the two things she wants to know, she wants to fall in love so deep so nothing can make her unfall from it and still during this second time, her soul was distant, not sure why but she needed to come back and tell herself things were real, she couldn't believe things could be so perfect so she pulled away for a minute and considered everything just to find herself even more in love than the last time. 

She feels happy, every bone on her body is full with love, love that he inspires just by looking into her eyes. 

Their story is just starting but somehow it feels like its already a million nights old, sometimes it feels like he already knew her, sometimes she feels like they met before in the middle of a dream or maybe in another life. The truth is finding a soul like his doesn't happen so often and once you have it you should never let him go, losing him may be the worst imaginable thing... 

Deep.

It's hard to focus on something when an image is stuck in your head, mine has a million things inside but the most important one is a pair of eyes that have made me smile since the first time I saw them. There is something I don't quite get, I keep trying to understand how he can just look at me and say all those things without saying anything at all, he has that kind of look... the one that says it all just by staring.

Try to imagine a mirror that lets you see deep into your soul, a white page that writes itself when you touch it and tells you what you need to know... that's what I feel whenever he looks at me, I don't even know what is he thinking but I get this feeling, as if he could see every detail, every thought, maybe he can, maybe not...