Reasons why Nicholas Sparks ruined my love life.

Every girl loves a good love story, romance and a prince charming, and that is just what Nicholas gives us in every book/movie. 

I started notice that he had ruined my love life when I found myself watching his movies everytime something was wrong in my relationships, finding confort while watching John, Noah, Will, Alex, Dawson, Luke, Landon, (yes, I'm assuming you know everyone of them, if not then go watch every Sparks movie now) all of those characters were messing with my reality and giving me some weird unreachable love story, because those guys are sensitive, honest and don't let... come on Nicholas, if you actually know a guy like that please send him my way.

Is not that I hate guys and live a bitter life, I love love and chessy stuff, I believe in soul mates and adore romantic films, but I had to learn to make boundaries between all of the fairytales and the reality of caring about a guy that eats pure junk food, hates exercise a lot and is rude to my friends. In fact, all of those past relationships made me realize that I was living a huge lie and here are the reason why:

1. I was pushing my partner to be someone he was not, meaning I was trying for them (as in my ex boyfriends) to act like one of those characters, with the big romantic moves and all the public display of love. Yeah, they were never gonna act like that. 

2. I was never truly happy in my relationships because they were never right and I was trying to forced them into a similar one to the notebook. Which of curse now that I think about it was amazingly wrong and I was inside a vicious circle going from one bad relationship to a worst one.

3. I couldn't find a right guy because I was trying to create one. Sounds like I was experimenting but I guess that's really the only way to put it. I was so worried about having a perfect boyfriend that I never saw the good guys around me, that could actually be nice and caring. Never do this, if something doesn't feel right, then never try to force it, I learned that the hard way and now I'm dating a really nice guy that makes me forget about all of the Nicholas Sparks clichés.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is never a fairytale and we should be able to write our own stories and not following what other people think love should be or friendships or family, we all get to live our lifes and create our own stories, embrace that and you'll find yourself way more happy.

I'm not sure about what exactly did I write in here but I hope is not just a bunch of nonesense. 

Love, J. 

What my long distance relationship has taught and keeps teaching me.

My one year anniversay is in 14 days. That's all I was thinking for the past two months, marking the days and doing a countdown when in reality I was supposed to be thinking about what to do after that one year mark and I was probably supposed to talk to my boyfriend too. 

When you decide to take the risk on a long distance relationship, no matter how short that distance is, you need to have a few things in mind, and to me that was the easy part, the hard part of all this came after a couple of months away from my boyfriend, and even if we're only four hours away, it feels like an entire universe. You need to know that I was not sure about wanting a relationship like this, and, certainly, my boyfriend was not a very big fan of the idea and somehow he agreed. 

On this seven months away, I've learnt a lot of things, but is hasn't got any easier.There are things that never change and things that need work but trust me on this one, a long distance relationship is just as hard as a normal one. So, here they are, a few of those many things I've learnt.

1. If he used to ignore his phone while you were together, he will do it when you're apart. 

I don't mean never taking your calls, but maybe send a couple of them to voicemail because he is with his best girl friend, or a bunch of college friends at this bar, he will do exactly as he wants, and you will do too. You can ignore him, get mad at him, cry, and he doesn't even have to know. It can save a lot of drama but it can also create a lot more, specially if he hangs out a lot with one particular person and decides to ignore your crazy important "what are you doing text"

2. Skype, social media, and your phone are, from the start and until you are reunited, your most dear possesions.

You can't see him, you can't hug him but you can speak a hell of a lot to him, skype is a miracle made in heaven, if your boyfriend doesn't get tired of technology, and your phone is your main communication with your partner. Embrace them, learn to love them, and don't get tired of texting and calling, ever.

3. As much as you try, you have a life apart from him, and he does too. 

He can't follow on everything that's going on 500 miles away from him and you can't either, you'll tell the most important things, you'll talk but every little detail is hard to remember. He might even forget your anniversary or your birthday, but it's not on purpose. Also, you can't both be sitting all day talking on skype, so yes you both will go out with other people, just don't ignore your phone.

4. Traveling is hard. 

"we will see each other every weekend and we'll take turns, and it'll be as if we were never apart" is not happening, traveling costs money, time and effort, you might have all of those but what about college, work and all those things? finding a weekend that suits both is not as easy as it seems. 

5. Everyone will tell you it's better to breakup.

I don't tell you what to do, so just leave me alone. 

6. You both, will have a meltdown at one point and starts consider to breakup.

This feeling will pass if you talk to each other and consider all the worthy things that the other person has. Don't let it grow, don't feed it, talk about it with your significant other and it will go away.

7. I will never get easier.

You'll never stop missing him, loving him or thinking about him, The distance won't get any shorter and the time apart will only disappear if one of you moves to the place where the other lives. But the time that you get to spend with your love one, will be the best ever. 

8. It is all worth it. 

The long nights with no sleep, the waiting, the missing and all those large phone bills are worth the effort. If you can survive a long distance relationships, then there is nothing you two can't do. 

Either you decide that a long distance relationship is for you or not, never forget that when loves goes away you need to keep the door open to let him back in. 

First writing of the year.

Haven't been here since last year.... bad joke, I know. I'm stupid, I'm sorry.

How is 2015 looking so far? Mine seem to have started the way 2014 went on for the last month, I feel like a truck crushed me and someone tried to put me back together, but with some missing pieces and not everything its in it's place. It might not be clear or make a lot of sense, trust me, even for me it feel confusing.

Someone once told me that one of the reasons to keep going is love and when love is lost you have to rely on everything else, leaving a door open so it can return and make you happy again but what if love is not lost but still refuses to get in? what do you do then, because it freaking hurts as hell and it surely makes you feel like the world is pointless. What if love feels obligated to be inside when all it wants is to see the world and be free... nobody told me what to do in that situation. I'm sorry about the obvious depressive state that I might put you in, but as Olly Murs would say: Dear Darling please excuse my writing. 

That last weeks of 2014 were supposed to be the most exciting and happy ever, I was supposed to feel complete, with my family, my boyfriend, my career, and university finally over but instead it turned out to be one of the saddest, loneliest moments of my life. All I did was crying, fighting with the people I love and pushing everyone away from me, because I, apparently, hate being happy.

I feel like I screwed up every good thing and the ones that I didn't ruined, were also screwed up by life. So yeah, 2014 was not my best year. And the 3 days that 2015 has giving me so far, haven't been so good either. I even got mad at God for all the things happening around, but obviously is not really his fault, I just need someone to blame. 

I'm hoping for a much better year this time, I got some huge changes ahead of me and some big important life changing decisions to make and I'm hoping to know how to chose this time. Technically I should be ready but I don't feel quite there yet, only time will tell. 

The gap between falling in love and loving someone.

"I love you but I'm not in love with you" is the cliché that every movie has. 

I like to think that falling in love leads you to loving someone, that the act of loving involves so much more than just a blind person thinking of some other human. To me, falling in love has to be a part of every I love you. 

The actual falling in love part, makes you excited and happy and it gives you all those quick feelings that later become a deep, strong love towards the person you're with. When you lose that, then it makes no sense to keep going, things have to change, a lot of stuff starts to happen and you need to rethink everything to go back and feel the same things or move on. And that's not happy, that's just sad and painful. 

Now, this is actually easy for the part that loves without been in love, this part can be an individual and act as if things were normal, yes that person might think at night, talk to every one to try to understand what's happening but the real difficulty is explaining all of this to the part of the relationship that is still madly in love and believes things are going just fine. 

When you tell someone that you're not in love with them, something breaks. Yes, you can adore them, and they can be the only person you think of when you imagine a relationship but how is that even fair? You are practically asking for inconditional love when you can't give it back and that can only lead to someone getting hurt. If you fall out of love, the best thing is to sit and explain what changed, without breaking anything, just explaining how time and life made you feel different. 

I don't know if the best thing is to let go and take different roads or if the idea of keep going and trying and really get into the relationship is the answer. But whatever it is, is has to be the best for both parts.

I think the most important part of a relationship is having enough confidence to tell each other what we feel, what we dream and want. If at some point you feel less love, then you should be able to tell your significant other how you feel and the reasons behind it, if not, then you were never really in love and that blind trust was an illusion.

I once read that if you can remind friends with your ex it means you were never truly in love and I guess that's true. When you break up with the person you love, all you want is to be as far as possible so you can't get anymore pain, you don't just run into some best friends relationship, it gives you pain and sadness. So yes, if one of your ex girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't wants to talk to you, then don't push it, maybe you weren't as in love as they were. Only time and space can help. 

I guess, everything love makes us do has no explanation and to love someone requires a lot of colours and the black and the white are just beginnings and ends, I'm not a love expert, I can't tell you when someone is really in love, I couldn't even tell if my own boyfriend was, and maybe I'm not the correct person to talk about this, but I know that there can never be a wrong when it comes to love. 

That Lifelong Enigma, Re-Examined: Can Guys And Girls Be Just Friends?

No, Guys and girls can't be friends because one of them will always have feelings towards the other, society said. I believe something different.

There are quite a lot of guys that I see just as friends and that see me exactly like that, a friend. We can hug, we have road trips, we celebrate birthdays with midnight calls, we do chessy stuff to make the other one smile, we can spend the night on the same house and they would be as disgusted as my brother would be.

I know this can be seen as a weird platonic relationship, but it is the opposite of that, you just have to be clear about every step you take with the other person. Let's say a girl holds a guy's hand and flirts, that's a no for the "we are just friends" zone. Now let's imagine a guy that thinks some girl is the prettiest of the city, another big no. This is why girls get so pissed when their boyfriends have best girl friends, we see things, we know how does a girl with a crush acts, they should listen to us more often,

My friends are guys that, yes they might be cute but I can only see them as the silly idiotic guys they are.

Besides, falling for someone does not necessarily means you have contact with the person every day or almost every day. I talk to my boyfriend almost everyday, I'm madly in love with him and he doesn't feel the same way, now that I think about it maybe I should ask his ex girlfriend what does it feels to have his unconditional love, but that's out of subjetc. The point is that spending time with a guy every day, having dinner with him, going to the movies, does not mean you are in love, it just means he is a really good friend that likes spending time with you. The reality of falling in love is cruel and once you're out of it, is somehow a lie. Love makes the other person perfect and friends don't look like a perfect Ken doll.

There are a few rules that can help you keep a friend as just a friend with no feelings for you, and even as we all know that friendships are more free, having boundaries is never a bad idea.

If your friend, girl or boy, starts to feel like a romantic situation might actually happen between the two, then you must give her/him space, no text, no "let's go get a coffe" dates, no more spending the day together, just space and time, maybe not years but a month is a good start and then you can start catching up, if those feeling are still there, then you can't be just friends and one part will be hurt somehow.

If you're the one having feelings, oh baby you need to step away, better now while you're in one piece than later with tears and a heartbreak.

I can say friendship between a men and a women is possible, because I have one, and it is the best friendship I can even think of. He is about two years older, he is one of my role models, we can talk for hours, we can eat a huge entire chocolate cake together, we miss each other, we love each other, my parents adore him, my brother thinks he is the only cool guy I know and he is also as disgusting as the idea of kissing my brother. 

He, on the other hand is a ladies guy and has one night stands every 10 nights a week, and is not really into the romantic monogamy relationship like I am, obviously I should reconsider that since I have a broken heart even when I feel in love. He sees me as a confident and although he doesn't gives much details about the girls the hooks up with (Thank God, I don't need to know that stuff) he does tells me when it happen and it is always about me telling him to stop doing it. 

I love what we have, it allow us to see the other gender perspective and it is refreshing, all girls or all boys can be tiring. 

I think the most important thing about having a guy/girl friend is that they should never be some one that you use, if the other person has feelings then talk and explain, put some space and don't act like nothing happened, but don't ever take advantage of those out of context feelings. Remember that a real friend is worth so much and finding them is extremely difficult.

Put a ring on it.

For a long time I truly believed in love stories, then, on my teen years I decided that love wasn't necessary and marriage was just a paper, that finding "the one" was just an excuse for daiting. I was so wrong.

Love is a hard word to understand, it means so many things and it empties itself without a storm warning. Maybe it is natural for humans to be a little bit a afraid of it but at the same time to feel the need to find it and keep it. 

Lately I've been thinking about the actual meaning of falling in love and finding your life partner. Truth is not the nicest thing, specially when you have to agree that love is necessary just because nobody likes to be alone and lets face it, been in love feels crazy good. 

To make it easy, love, marriage, happines, kids, they are all a big package. Of curse you can choose what things you want from that box but in a dream place, you get them all and you live happy with the person you love, with your dog and three children, in a big house with amazing garden. Just like fairytales.

To be honest, even know I don't believe in that life, it seems too good, as if you cheat yourself by having all the things society told you were the answer to your sadness. 

I believe in racional decisions, falling in love is not one of those. Love comes into your life without you even realizing it is happening, and soon you become a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. Of curse you can keep your job and be an independent lady, but at the end of the day your still a woman that followed the path every other woman did and is not necessary a bad thing but it is also not the best. 

I'm starting to sound like a bitter girl with no love life, in reality I have a boyfriend and I love him, sometimes I even love him too much. He has made me change some ideas about relationships and how to deal with every detail, sometimes it feels like I need to learn again all the things I believed I knew. 

I don't think is easy for anyone to understand why, if I have a boyfriend, still don´t believe in cheesy crazy love. The answer falls itself on my own relatioship and how my boyfriend says he cares about me and he says things that could be considered cruel, and even after he apologizes for it, I don't just forget them. Yes, I do forgive him most of the times but the can´t really erase words just by repeating "I'm sorry".

In conclusion, if you find yourself deeply in love them make sure you live every second of it as if it were your last, love doesn't always lives through it all but it doesn't matter if you feel love deeply and for a short time or it you love someone for the rest of your life, the most important thing is to let yourself feel all those things. 

One million nights

A lot has happened, millions of things to say. It all began a bit more than a month ago but it feels like  a life time, like two old souls finding each other after looking for a million nights just to hold their hearts and share a bit of time.

The first night together was a complete rush, a sweet cold going trough their spine making her feel alive like never before. The perfect company he creates, the warm hug and the spontaneous kiss can give her a reason to live, a reason to start all over and fall in love one last time. This first night, this perfect first night will live in her memory for as long as the sun lives to give heat to the world. Maybe that way, the next time they see each other things can be different, maybe they'll try to find time on every corner of the world just to be together one more second.

Loving him is not always easy, there is always a fear, a constant reminder of his expiration date. How can her soul let him in? how can she fall in love with him knowing the days they have left...? Loving him is like smelling the first flower that comes to alive on spring, like feeling the first drop of rain touching her skin, loving him can only bring good to her, loving him... Loving him is the best thing that's ever happened to her. Perhaps that's the reason why the expiration date is not that important.

There was a second time, a second chance for their souls to conect. Her's is stubborn and spoiled, loving and caring, his, on the other hand, is smart and thoughtful, he knows how to love in the most amazing way giving everything and taking nothing back. His soul and heart are the two things she wants to know, she wants to fall in love so deep so nothing can make her unfall from it and still during this second time, her soul was distant, not sure why but she needed to come back and tell herself things were real, she couldn't believe things could be so perfect so she pulled away for a minute and considered everything just to find herself even more in love than the last time. 

She feels happy, every bone on her body is full with love, love that he inspires just by looking into her eyes. 

Their story is just starting but somehow it feels like its already a million nights old, sometimes it feels like he already knew her, sometimes she feels like they met before in the middle of a dream or maybe in another life. The truth is finding a soul like his doesn't happen so often and once you have it you should never let him go, losing him may be the worst imaginable thing... 

The one when he makes me cry.

Not literally. He only knows how to make me feel happy, the happiest ever.

I have pages and pages written inside my head, ready to come out and be read but maybe I don't want them to see the light since I'm taking forever to actually write them. The thing is everytime I try to tell a story about how amazing his eyes looked or how soft his lips were on that particular day, he does something new and a new page is ready to born, so now I just need to write for hours to get everything out.

Maybe if I start from the actual beggining things will make more sense. Now, I just need to figure it out, when did everything actually started... Was it the night he told me he wanted a kiss? was it the day I first saw him? or maybe the first time we hold hands... Well this is awkward, I don't even know. All I know is apparently nothing. (Takes a break to ask him if he knows when it all started.. shocking news: He is not sure either. Goes back to the keyboard. Goes to whatsapp to do some research... research gives kinda of an answer) So on January 25 he said he wanted a kiss just because and maybe that was the start, I can't really tell, it just happened.

Imagine having someone that makes your life easier, that makes you feel safe, happy, loved... that's him, and that's one of the reasons why I don't really mind knowing when it actually started, I'm staying with January 28, the day we had our first kiss, the most perfect first kiss I've ever had. (Takes a break again to talk about importan dates... figures out dates and goes back to typing. God I have such a weird way of writing, Focus!)  That day he somehow managed to make me feel like the world around me didn't care anymore, all of the drama, every sad storie, all of the sad songs were just gone, and all I needed to think about was him at that moment.

I don't wanna write every detail about him, that would just mean I wanna share him with the rest of the world, I wanna keep him private, as if I could call him mine. So much has happened, I have so much to say and still I've been trying to finish this page for the last four hours, why is it so hard to find the proper words to describe him and everything he does? Maybe there is no such words, maybe I need to create new ones to tell the world how wonderful he is.

Unexpected.

Unexpected means I didn't imagine to fall for him so fast.

He is everything, as simple as it sounds. He makes me feel safe and happy, like the world has no evil in it.

The Big C

Hi,

This C is more personal, harder to understand, harder to live with...

This is how it goes,

a couple months ago my mom started to feel a lot of pain on her back, but we didn't pay to much attention, she took some painkillers and that was it. Then a month and a half ago, the pain was getting worst and worst, so we went to see a doctor, he gave her more painkillers and told her to get some x-ray, so she did it, and the results were strange... So the doctor order more things, and we got a result, probably the worst result ever, my mom, the most important person in my life, was diagnosed with cancer.

At first I was so scared, I cried every night for two weeks, the idea of losing her, of my mom dying ... I felt things that I don't ever wanna see anybody feel, not even my worst enemy. My mom started her chemotherapy three weeks ago, it was something she never wanted,  I remember her saying "If I ever get cancer, I don't want chemotherapy" and now well, she's having chemotherapy.

I haven't really talk about this to anybody, only two of my friends know it, and they have been so supportive,   always asking me how I feel, how's my mom and stuff like that, and I can't even say it out loud, I don't know why, it's like if I say it then it becomes real. I wish I could talk about it to someone, anyone... but I can't even reach out to my brother and I get it, he's scared, he doesn't know what to do and he needs me, the stronger version of me.

My dad is so worried, he doesn't know how to be without my mom, they started dating in high school, so that's like 30 years together, they were 16. She's such a big part of his life and I know he's suffering, he doesn't really gets what my mom is feeling and that only makes everything worst.

I'm writing this because yesterday my mom had a session and the doctor told us that she not only has cancer, she has terminal cancer, which means that if this treatment doesn't work, it may be the end of it. I believe I'm still in shock, I don't even have words to describe it.

This past days have been so hard for not only me, my entire family is devastated. Every second of the day I'm thinking about it, like literally. What if I'm not around and something happens? what if the treatment doesn't work? This is not just someone with cancer, this is my mom, dying, suffering, and I can't do anything to help her, I wish I had some magic words to make it all go away.