Meaty, tantalizingly addictive kisses.

I keep writing about him in every piece of paper I come close to, like an idea that my mind keeps repeating with the hope that it will last forever. Watching him makes me feel happy, the world stops and it's just him in front of me with those perfect green eyes.

I tell myself I should stop, stop thinking, writing, dreaming and obviously myself and I are two different people and I don't listen to myself. That does not have any sense. What I meant was this: I wanna stop thinking about him so I don't fall for him and at the same time it's like I'm already lost. It happened so fast, and to be honest it kinda scares me a little bit. I keep wondering how can I care so much about some guy I just met, I still have no answer.

He makes it kinda hard to stay away, add that to me wanting to be with him and you'll hace chaos. We just don't fight it... that's not true, he does resist a little, but I have my ways. I don't care, I want to make sure that every second next to him is written in my memory, I never want to forget the way he talks or how he laughs too loud, his little words, those really big hands that can squeeze mine, but most of all I never wanna forget him.

I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel, it's so simple and so hard at the same time, he's becoming a huge part of my life way too fast and way too strong. How does he even do that? How does anyone gets into my life and becomes one of the biggest parts? Finding some one like him was so hard and yet caring about him has been so easy.

And then it hit me.

The fact that I have to live another goodbye may be the hardest things to do, I know I still have quite sometime but knowing that this particular story has an end is devastating. I've had some moments like this one before, some of them have been even harder to live and still this time it feels like too much.

I don't even know why I am thinking of it right now if I know that I still have a couple of months to get ready, to actually figure everything out how to actually stay while he goes away from me. I think I won't be able to sit in front of that face, to watch it one last time and just let it go. What's the point of getting to know him, to find out the secrets and dreams, what's the point of it all when we both know when it'll all end?

I think some questions are better without an answer, left alone not caring about them... that way you get to live without fear and sadness around. I've say this before, his smile gives me hope, hope to believe that things are good and life is enough. Maybe is the way he talks, how he reacts to every single thing around him, maybe it's just me with my silly idea of better days. Whatever it might be, I don't wanna lose it.

He's gonna be here in a few minutes, he's gonna hold me and kiss me, he's gonna see into my eyes and make me smiles just to leave in a couple of months. Is that cruel enough? Maybe, but that should not be the reason why we stop caring, that should make us stronger and allow us to give everything, to feel everything... That's why I will do the same, hold him, look into his eyes and smile at him just to tell him goodbye. Our hearts may be broken, we may don't feel a thing. We just have to wait and see.

New begginings.

A lot has happened since my last visit to this place, big changes and new things, old friends and new hopes. To be honest I never thought I could renew my life so fast and still I'm here smiling because of this new pair of green eyes.

Now before I actually start I must say  I've never been happier in my life therefor this was not planned and maybe that's what makes it so special. The idea of a person that can make me feel like he's always been there, like I can fully trust him and that is by far the best feeling I've had in a long time. He's a big deal, Sadly, I know I can only have him for six short months. This is the part that makes me wanna hold my distance but apparently I'm not any good at it. 

His name is not the important part, neither his hair colour or the way it never looks undone. He knows how to make me smile, and he does this cute things that I will keep with me forever. Maybe I wanna see light in the middle of darkness or maybe he is in fact one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I don't think I can know for sure but the idea sounds like a good thing. 

People used to tell me that if I ever came across something like that I should not let it go and yet I wonder, how can you keep someone that needs to go even if he doesn't wants to? Truth is life gets in the way. I hope life can make a deal with me and allow me to keep him close for as long as he wants. I don't care if he kisses me or if he holds me, just the image of him close to me feels good. I don't mean his lips are not soft enough or his arms are not strong enough, on the contrary he could be quite perfect.

To do or not to do

One of the hardest things of being a girl is deciding who is the best match for you, it should be an easy task but the actual action of telling someone that you do in fact think he's the one can be quite scary.

As you can see, I have things going on in my head and that's why I'm trying to avoid the subject by talking about my body.

So monday is a big day, I'm not looking forward for it to arrive but I also can't avoid it. The reason why monday seems like the worst day ever to me is because I have to decide if I want someone in my life or not and  honestly feel really bad about it, I would prefer not to do it but life just won't let me. I'm not sure if you've come to realize that I do have a boyfriend and that I was having doubts about my relationship, well during winter break those questions became stronger and my head has gone crazy thinking of it.

Imagine having something good, like a candy you love, but you eat it everyday without trying any other type of sweet and one day some one offers you that candy that you've been eating for the past two months non stop and you go like "no thanks, I've have a lot of those lately" which means you have been overexposed to the candies. Well, something like that has happened to me, except I'm not refering to a candy, I'm talking about my boyfriend, yes I have boy issues.

He's not actually bad, he's just always around, like freaking always. While I'm in the shower, he's sending facebook messages, while I do my make up, he won't stop talking to me, if I go out without him knowing where to, he acts like a victim, maybe is the fact that I was so happy with my single life and having someone as a constant make me feel less in confort. He is so caring and honest and I know he'll do anything for me but  I can't be happy when he's around, the idea of him annoys me and I'm sure that makes me sound like a horrible person. And I'm pretty sure he knows.

I need advice, like right now and in order to get them I'm gonna do what I always do when I have no clue of what my life should be, go to my boy-friends and let it all out. When a boy is your best friend for four years it means that he has a lot of pattiente or that he thinks of you as a sister and thank God my best friend is like a brother. His great advice is tell him the truth as simple and clean as possible even if it hurts. I'm not so sure about that, I'd rather tell him that I'm gonna move and can't see him anymore or that my fly died and I need space but obviously that won't work. So I went to my other two best boy friends and they told me the same... apparently boys think the same and they believe honesty is the best way, even if it is cruel and awful.

So, I'm gonna do the one thing I'm not good at, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a liar, I just act very well. I can't keep living like this, it's killing me inside and I deserve the chance to be happy and feel complete.

Going back to University

I'm so old.

Next monday I have to go back to class, yay! You have no idea of how much excited I am. Can you tell I'm being dramastically sarcastic?

I enjoy doing nothing, watching movies, spending a lot of time with my brother, sleeping and that's over, well not exactly right now but in less than a week. You see, is not like I don't like my university or that I don't want to study, I just need a few more days off.

I'm sure a lot of you don't really understand what I'm talking about, the university thing, but having to go away and see your family for almost no time is not as fun as it sounds. You get nostalgic, eat awful food, your laundry is massive, just imagine all of the things your mom, dad or maid does for you as if they were just an old memorie. Yes, university brings awesome experiences and great people but when you get to come back home it feels at least a little bit better.

Deep thinking

Life keeps bothering me and gets in the way of my creative mind and my white piece of paper. Is it weird that lately my mind sounds a lot like Carrie Bradshaw? And it got me thinking... stop it stop it!

Ok let's get serious, I've been doing nothing, as nothing at all. Yeah I know so much for a creative mind. But moving on, I'm back and my mind is practically exploding. This season is always challenging for me, not only because of all the time I have to spend with the family but for the lack of time I actually get to myself.

So here it is, let's begin. December was a month for revelations, yes more than one. My mind was going insane and it got me thinking.. Stop it Brandshaw! ... why do I feel like that? so I had to revaluate my entire life, every aspect of it and well, the answer is pretty dramatic.

For the past four months it's been obvious that my relationships are kinda messed up, fine totally messed up. It's part of growing up and making your own decisions, mine involve decide just for me and not for what other people want. 

The solution I came with to figure everything out was quite simple, take then as if they were the obly thing in my life, one by one. So I had my family, friends and boyfriend.

The boyfriend.

He's the worst thing on my life, I don't want him, I don't love him, I don't even like him. Everything he does bothers me,I hate his messages and his constant actions. He doesn't give me my own time, you know that time every girl needs to be with herself, I mean he won't even let me do my makeup in peace, he's annoying and I'm gonna break up with him as soon as possible.

The friends.
My friends are really not that bad, they can be quite selfish sometimes but who isn't? so I decided to give my best to them and try to get along with every aspect of their lifes.

The family.
All families have issues, well mine has not only issues, mine has wars and peace agreements. We suck but at the end of the day, I only have one brother and to be honest he's quite amazing.

Things that annoy me.

 I'm a bit hard to be around because I complain a lot about everything but there are some things that just make me go crazy, like crazy level I'm gonna stop talking to people and today I decided to share some of those things with you and the entire world.

Number One: slow walkers.

You know that moment when you're walking kinda hurry because you have to be somewhere in 2 minutes and out of nowhere some lady appears in front of you and she walks slower that a turtle. It doesn't ends there, you try to pass that person and it seems like the person in front of you is way to big for the street, even if she is like the skinnies person ever,  and there is no space for you to pass. 
That annoys me, like literally I wanna punch the person and run, seriously if you wanna walk at the speed of a sloth just go to a park or walk around your room.



Number Two: The Postman.

I know, I'm on my way to revealing I hate everybody. So, the postman. I don't know about 
all the nice men that do this work but mine is rubbish, he is a shitty person. 
He never puts my letters 
on the mailbox, he throws them into my yard, where he can see my dogs
 are and of curse my little
puppies always 
destroy them. 
So I never get my mail, and the worst part is that he actually do
 this on purpose, is not even by accident. 


Number Three: Crocs

I think this is really normal, isnt't it? Forgive me for not being original! 
But why do people do it?
why do they wear socks and crocs at the same time? 
If they're cold why don't they wear boots or snickers 
or anything else!? I don't even know why would anybody create 
such thing.


Number Four: My iPhone battery

It keeps dying, all the time, during the most important moments, why? 
why does it do it? If I have to call my dad *phone dead* Important call to mom *phone dead* Booking my flight to England
*Phone dead* WHY?
It's the worst.


Number Five: People that doesn't know how to wear leggings.

So, this is more like a girl to girl advice,  read carefully, Leggings are NOT pants, leggings are not pants.
It's not attractive to see a girl with thin leggings and white underwear, please don't do that. Your
outfit top, should cover your butt,  the only excuse you can have not to follow this rule is having a
very sexy gym butt. Please this is for our own good.

The perfect man.