New begginings.

A lot has happened since my last visit to this place, big changes and new things, old friends and new hopes. To be honest I never thought I could renew my life so fast and still I'm here smiling because of this new pair of green eyes.

Now before I actually start I must say  I've never been happier in my life therefor this was not planned and maybe that's what makes it so special. The idea of a person that can make me feel like he's always been there, like I can fully trust him and that is by far the best feeling I've had in a long time. He's a big deal, Sadly, I know I can only have him for six short months. This is the part that makes me wanna hold my distance but apparently I'm not any good at it. 

His name is not the important part, neither his hair colour or the way it never looks undone. He knows how to make me smile, and he does this cute things that I will keep with me forever. Maybe I wanna see light in the middle of darkness or maybe he is in fact one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I don't think I can know for sure but the idea sounds like a good thing. 

People used to tell me that if I ever came across something like that I should not let it go and yet I wonder, how can you keep someone that needs to go even if he doesn't wants to? Truth is life gets in the way. I hope life can make a deal with me and allow me to keep him close for as long as he wants. I don't care if he kisses me or if he holds me, just the image of him close to me feels good. I don't mean his lips are not soft enough or his arms are not strong enough, on the contrary he could be quite perfect.

To do or not to do

One of the hardest things of being a girl is deciding who is the best match for you, it should be an easy task but the actual action of telling someone that you do in fact think he's the one can be quite scary.

As you can see, I have things going on in my head and that's why I'm trying to avoid the subject by talking about my body.

So monday is a big day, I'm not looking forward for it to arrive but I also can't avoid it. The reason why monday seems like the worst day ever to me is because I have to decide if I want someone in my life or not and  honestly feel really bad about it, I would prefer not to do it but life just won't let me. I'm not sure if you've come to realize that I do have a boyfriend and that I was having doubts about my relationship, well during winter break those questions became stronger and my head has gone crazy thinking of it.

Imagine having something good, like a candy you love, but you eat it everyday without trying any other type of sweet and one day some one offers you that candy that you've been eating for the past two months non stop and you go like "no thanks, I've have a lot of those lately" which means you have been overexposed to the candies. Well, something like that has happened to me, except I'm not refering to a candy, I'm talking about my boyfriend, yes I have boy issues.

He's not actually bad, he's just always around, like freaking always. While I'm in the shower, he's sending facebook messages, while I do my make up, he won't stop talking to me, if I go out without him knowing where to, he acts like a victim, maybe is the fact that I was so happy with my single life and having someone as a constant make me feel less in confort. He is so caring and honest and I know he'll do anything for me but  I can't be happy when he's around, the idea of him annoys me and I'm sure that makes me sound like a horrible person. And I'm pretty sure he knows.

I need advice, like right now and in order to get them I'm gonna do what I always do when I have no clue of what my life should be, go to my boy-friends and let it all out. When a boy is your best friend for four years it means that he has a lot of pattiente or that he thinks of you as a sister and thank God my best friend is like a brother. His great advice is tell him the truth as simple and clean as possible even if it hurts. I'm not so sure about that, I'd rather tell him that I'm gonna move and can't see him anymore or that my fly died and I need space but obviously that won't work. So I went to my other two best boy friends and they told me the same... apparently boys think the same and they believe honesty is the best way, even if it is cruel and awful.

So, I'm gonna do the one thing I'm not good at, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a liar, I just act very well. I can't keep living like this, it's killing me inside and I deserve the chance to be happy and feel complete.