We're all gonna die.

Now that Ebola is close, we better live inside a bubble. 

Not really.

I was freaking out a little bit about this thing, since I don't actually wanna die of a weird incurable disease so I did a little research to calm my nerves. So if you're going down the same road, here are some things to calm you down.

1. It is quite hard to actually get infected.

Yes, as you read. You can't get infected through air, or food or water. So just keep breathing and eating all that delicious food. Also, in order to actually get sick you have to be in direct contact with a person that is already infected and you have to come in contact with the bodily fluids of someone with symptoms, which I'm pretty sure you or anyone you know haven't.

Flu is more contagious so go wash your hands and buy some antibacterial gel. 

2. You can beat Ebola. 

You just need a good doctor, also is not as deadly as it looks. It has only kill 50% of the infected people and there are plenty of other diseases much worst. (HIV, Malaria, even respiratory infections).

Those who have survived can fully recover and they don't infect other humans. 

3. Ebola is spreading in África because of it situation not because it's unstoppable.

In Africa, people tend to feel like their goverments are not as honest as they should so organization is quite hard. Same with other affected countries, some of them don't even know this disease so imagine having people dying who won't listen to you, it just create chaos.

Now, back in the US, Europe and the rest of America, we don't have such major trust issues so giving us instructions should be more easy. 

4.You're going crazy about this when you really shouldn't.

Yes, Ebola is a big problem and it needs to be taken care of but there are a lot of things going on and this should not be your main worry. 

Maybe see what Green Peace is doing, maybe you have a big test next week or maybe you just happen to have a tasty cake slice ready to be eaten. Just enjoy life.

5 things to do in your 20.

I've read a lot about things that girls should do while on their twenties and here I have the 5 things I think every twenty something year old girl should do. You can either hate them or love them, they might not be things that everyone would do but I've already done it and trust me, they've made me learn and grow up like nothing else. 

1. Fall in love and out of it. 

Falling in love is the best feeling to be felt and it makes you see and do things you can never imagine, and obviously when you're 21 years old and find the guy you think is perfect then falling in love is just the next logical step and that part of what you should do. The second part of this action is not for everyone, maybe you find the one in your twenties and you don't need to fall out of love, but for those who didn't, for those who fell in love with a guy that doesn't stop flirting with other girls, that makes you feel insecure, that would do things he wants even if he knows you are going to be in a bad place because of it... all of you, need to fall out of love as soon as possible. 

Yes, I know is not an easy thing but, if you start thinking of yourself as the only thing that matters, then the feeling becomes a blur and it fades a away. Once you don't feel a thing about that guy that was so bad for you, a new streight comes into your body and the next time you feel like falling in love, you will know better.

2. Procrastinating.

This is not  a good advice but you won't be able to do it later. So just for the pleasure of doing nothing go find a romantic movie, ice cream and do nothing. This age is full with university stuff and big decisions that will change your life so if you get five minutes of rest, then take them.

3. Take College/University seriously.

This might seem obvious but trusth me, it is not. When I started University I was in a state of mind where basically I acted like I knew everything just to be accepted or have a lot of new friends, yes maybe popularity was fun but at the end of the day it was just me and a bunch of assignments that I didn't quite understood because I was too busy chating instead of paying attention. Trusth me, is not fun at all.

A couple of semesters after, I realized that I was the only one that could help me and if I wanted to actually have a degree I would have to work hard and learn on my own. Now I'm doing so much better and things are going pretty good but I still regret those first semesters when I was just playing popularity queen,

4.  Find something you're truly pasionate about.

Your 20's are the perfect time to make mistakes and learn from them, to try things and decide if you like them or not. This is the time to find out if you love playing guitar or writing or swiming or knitting. What ever you do, do it seriously and really try, it's the only way to be sure if you love it or hate it.

5. Talk to your parents. 

Now, your parents are not your favourite people while growing up but they know stuff, valuable stuff about life and choices than we could use. Ask them, tell them, listen to them. They can be very helpful and no one while ever listen as well as they do. Problems can de solved so much easier when you have a parental advice. 

Social media is a poison in my life.

Why do I even have a facebook anymore?

At first it was fun, photos, tweets, filters, and for what? I mean those things don't matter when you have a person next to you trying to talk about the awful thing that just happened.  

I blame Steve, Jack and Mark. Those three genious, with this new ideas totally ruined humanity. First Steve with this awesome little things to play music and avoid human contact while walking and let's not even mention the iPhone, all of them from first generation to 6 plus, then Mark with this insipidus blue platform that everyone is obssesed with and finally that stupid little bird that Jack created. 

There was so much more of human relationships back when tecnology was not as popular as it is, the hand written letters, the mix tapes and all of those details that made humans act as people and not just as a bunch of sheep following the nyan cat. Now with our lifes out there in the public eye, things become harder and comunication is not as good as it should. It's was easier for my boyfriend to talk to the girls I hate, it is way easier to see what your ex is doing and it is by far the easiest way to know about someone else's life. 

If my partner dares to like a girl's photo, especially that particular one I totally dislike, then he's gonna have a problem. If I don't accept my mom's friendship request, then I'm gonna have a big issue. Things are never easy when it comes to social media, we take it way too serious and let's be honest, we share too much.

It doesn't matter if it is Facebook or Twitter or Instagram, All of them have something that can cause your life to be a mess, sometimes just by keeping you away from your homework, your family or the real world and let's not even talk about the food photographers (me included) that look way too dumb at every restaurant they go.

I think, what I'm trying to say, in a very poorly way is that contact must be personal and real, all those post about loving someone are not the same as calling to tell "hey babe, I miss you so much and I love you", a photo on Twitter with the funny caption doesn't mean that you're able to make people laugh and certanly, social media is not the right place to have a fight.

Social media, Facebook in particular, has been terrible for my personal relationships., I've seen my best friend breaking up to his loving boyfriend because some girl posted that she had a great time with him, I get freaking upset whenever any girl (just one in particular) comments something on my boyfriend's profile picture "OMG, you're so handsome" "I miss you, I love you more than any other girl, I mean they all love you but I love you more" seriously, what type of person does that? Get over it girl. My profesor can stalk me, any one can and I won't even know. I've seen my male mates cheating and facebook makes it so much easier.  This is how, social media is a poison and human relationships should be created in person, face to face.

The gap between falling in love and loving someone.

"I love you but I'm not in love with you" is the cliché that every movie has. 

I like to think that falling in love leads you to loving someone, that the act of loving involves so much more than just a blind person thinking of some other human. To me, falling in love has to be a part of every I love you. 

The actual falling in love part, makes you excited and happy and it gives you all those quick feelings that later become a deep, strong love towards the person you're with. When you lose that, then it makes no sense to keep going, things have to change, a lot of stuff starts to happen and you need to rethink everything to go back and feel the same things or move on. And that's not happy, that's just sad and painful. 

Now, this is actually easy for the part that loves without been in love, this part can be an individual and act as if things were normal, yes that person might think at night, talk to every one to try to understand what's happening but the real difficulty is explaining all of this to the part of the relationship that is still madly in love and believes things are going just fine. 

When you tell someone that you're not in love with them, something breaks. Yes, you can adore them, and they can be the only person you think of when you imagine a relationship but how is that even fair? You are practically asking for inconditional love when you can't give it back and that can only lead to someone getting hurt. If you fall out of love, the best thing is to sit and explain what changed, without breaking anything, just explaining how time and life made you feel different. 

I don't know if the best thing is to let go and take different roads or if the idea of keep going and trying and really get into the relationship is the answer. But whatever it is, is has to be the best for both parts.

I think the most important part of a relationship is having enough confidence to tell each other what we feel, what we dream and want. If at some point you feel less love, then you should be able to tell your significant other how you feel and the reasons behind it, if not, then you were never really in love and that blind trust was an illusion.

I once read that if you can remind friends with your ex it means you were never truly in love and I guess that's true. When you break up with the person you love, all you want is to be as far as possible so you can't get anymore pain, you don't just run into some best friends relationship, it gives you pain and sadness. So yes, if one of your ex girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't wants to talk to you, then don't push it, maybe you weren't as in love as they were. Only time and space can help. 

I guess, everything love makes us do has no explanation and to love someone requires a lot of colours and the black and the white are just beginnings and ends, I'm not a love expert, I can't tell you when someone is really in love, I couldn't even tell if my own boyfriend was, and maybe I'm not the correct person to talk about this, but I know that there can never be a wrong when it comes to love. 

That Lifelong Enigma, Re-Examined: Can Guys And Girls Be Just Friends?

No, Guys and girls can't be friends because one of them will always have feelings towards the other, society said. I believe something different.

There are quite a lot of guys that I see just as friends and that see me exactly like that, a friend. We can hug, we have road trips, we celebrate birthdays with midnight calls, we do chessy stuff to make the other one smile, we can spend the night on the same house and they would be as disgusted as my brother would be.

I know this can be seen as a weird platonic relationship, but it is the opposite of that, you just have to be clear about every step you take with the other person. Let's say a girl holds a guy's hand and flirts, that's a no for the "we are just friends" zone. Now let's imagine a guy that thinks some girl is the prettiest of the city, another big no. This is why girls get so pissed when their boyfriends have best girl friends, we see things, we know how does a girl with a crush acts, they should listen to us more often,

My friends are guys that, yes they might be cute but I can only see them as the silly idiotic guys they are.

Besides, falling for someone does not necessarily means you have contact with the person every day or almost every day. I talk to my boyfriend almost everyday, I'm madly in love with him and he doesn't feel the same way, now that I think about it maybe I should ask his ex girlfriend what does it feels to have his unconditional love, but that's out of subjetc. The point is that spending time with a guy every day, having dinner with him, going to the movies, does not mean you are in love, it just means he is a really good friend that likes spending time with you. The reality of falling in love is cruel and once you're out of it, is somehow a lie. Love makes the other person perfect and friends don't look like a perfect Ken doll.

There are a few rules that can help you keep a friend as just a friend with no feelings for you, and even as we all know that friendships are more free, having boundaries is never a bad idea.

If your friend, girl or boy, starts to feel like a romantic situation might actually happen between the two, then you must give her/him space, no text, no "let's go get a coffe" dates, no more spending the day together, just space and time, maybe not years but a month is a good start and then you can start catching up, if those feeling are still there, then you can't be just friends and one part will be hurt somehow.

If you're the one having feelings, oh baby you need to step away, better now while you're in one piece than later with tears and a heartbreak.

I can say friendship between a men and a women is possible, because I have one, and it is the best friendship I can even think of. He is about two years older, he is one of my role models, we can talk for hours, we can eat a huge entire chocolate cake together, we miss each other, we love each other, my parents adore him, my brother thinks he is the only cool guy I know and he is also as disgusting as the idea of kissing my brother. 

He, on the other hand is a ladies guy and has one night stands every 10 nights a week, and is not really into the romantic monogamy relationship like I am, obviously I should reconsider that since I have a broken heart even when I feel in love. He sees me as a confident and although he doesn't gives much details about the girls the hooks up with (Thank God, I don't need to know that stuff) he does tells me when it happen and it is always about me telling him to stop doing it. 

I love what we have, it allow us to see the other gender perspective and it is refreshing, all girls or all boys can be tiring. 

I think the most important thing about having a guy/girl friend is that they should never be some one that you use, if the other person has feelings then talk and explain, put some space and don't act like nothing happened, but don't ever take advantage of those out of context feelings. Remember that a real friend is worth so much and finding them is extremely difficult.

Put a ring on it.

For a long time I truly believed in love stories, then, on my teen years I decided that love wasn't necessary and marriage was just a paper, that finding "the one" was just an excuse for daiting. I was so wrong.

Love is a hard word to understand, it means so many things and it empties itself without a storm warning. Maybe it is natural for humans to be a little bit a afraid of it but at the same time to feel the need to find it and keep it. 

Lately I've been thinking about the actual meaning of falling in love and finding your life partner. Truth is not the nicest thing, specially when you have to agree that love is necessary just because nobody likes to be alone and lets face it, been in love feels crazy good. 

To make it easy, love, marriage, happines, kids, they are all a big package. Of curse you can choose what things you want from that box but in a dream place, you get them all and you live happy with the person you love, with your dog and three children, in a big house with amazing garden. Just like fairytales.

To be honest, even know I don't believe in that life, it seems too good, as if you cheat yourself by having all the things society told you were the answer to your sadness. 

I believe in racional decisions, falling in love is not one of those. Love comes into your life without you even realizing it is happening, and soon you become a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. Of curse you can keep your job and be an independent lady, but at the end of the day your still a woman that followed the path every other woman did and is not necessary a bad thing but it is also not the best. 

I'm starting to sound like a bitter girl with no love life, in reality I have a boyfriend and I love him, sometimes I even love him too much. He has made me change some ideas about relationships and how to deal with every detail, sometimes it feels like I need to learn again all the things I believed I knew. 

I don't think is easy for anyone to understand why, if I have a boyfriend, still don´t believe in cheesy crazy love. The answer falls itself on my own relatioship and how my boyfriend says he cares about me and he says things that could be considered cruel, and even after he apologizes for it, I don't just forget them. Yes, I do forgive him most of the times but the can´t really erase words just by repeating "I'm sorry".

In conclusion, if you find yourself deeply in love them make sure you live every second of it as if it were your last, love doesn't always lives through it all but it doesn't matter if you feel love deeply and for a short time or it you love someone for the rest of your life, the most important thing is to let yourself feel all those things. 

My new Batchel in Vintage by The Cambridge Satchel Company.

Now, british do know how to make beautiful stuff.

When I first took an interest on the Cambridge Satchel Company I wasn't sure I was going to actually buy one of their bags and to be honest I was more excited about The Mini than the Batchel. Don't get me wrong, all of their products are crazy beautiful and super well done but I felt like a petit bag was more me than a strong powerful batchel.

The process of deciding to buy a batchel actually started when I saw The Designer and I thought it would be perfect as an university "backpack" but the colours where just not right for me. I mean, the design is perfect but the yellow and the purple and the green, just not my style. I needed something more classic, so I of curse went for The Classic and saw the perfect tone for me: Vintage. I was 100% sure I was going to get the model, and then I saw The Batchel, the perfect combination between classic and character, formal and casual, oh my God, perfection.

When it got to my hands I noticed the box with the bike logo which had inside a bag to protect my bag, now: you know you get a quality bag when it has its own bag. (Sorry I mumble) Everything I saw on the online store was exactly the same, I truly recommend buying there, you will get the exact product you buy.

I was surprised that my bag came in so quick, it took literally three days to get from England to my hands and I have ordered lots of things from the UK before and it never takes such a short period of time. The bad thing was the extra £25 I had to pay as taxes. So free delivery but same price for taxes, I guess it wasn't that bad after all. A lot of people say that their CSC bag took way too long to delivere (up to two and a half months), but I am not joking, mine only took 3 days and yes I ordered directly from CSC.

The packaging was simple, a cardboard box with the bicycle logo printed on it and on the inside some air filled plastic bags that were totally great to avoid the bag to move. Now the dust bag is a plus all the time and inside, the actual Batchel, without any scratch. I wanted to order the gift wrapping but changed my mind at the last moment, just thought it would get less attention if the packaging was simple.

The dust bad and the printed cardboard box won't be available unless you order directly for the store, so any other dealer won't send this.

Now, the important part. The leather is very soft, you know, for the standars of leather, the seams are made with great precision, the colour is just so beautiful, a light brown almost as milk chocolate colour. The only thing I don't really like is the strap, is just too long and even buckled to the shortest setting it looks very long, so maybe get that fixed, also the little unclosures are a bit hard to fasten/unfasten, and since I need to open my bag a lot of times, this is causing them to be a bit more soft than the rest of the leather but no big deal. 

My batchel is the 15", which is the only size, and it can fit so many things, my laptop fits perfectly along with its charger, my iphone, the charger of the iphone, my notebook, pens, snacks, keys, everything fits. There is enough space if you actually know how to use it. I'm not sure about the 14" Satchel been able to fit a laptop. If you want to get a Cambridge Satchel Company bag to use it as you go to school bag, I recommend the 15" size in any model (I'm not considering the backpack because well, it is a backpack so it should have enough space)

Now, I use my bag as a shoulder bag most of the times and the handle makes it look more sophisticated, so I do recommend spending those £11 that can make that difference. The briefcase look that it has when using the handle is amazing, everyone looks at it no matter how I use it, as a shoulder bad, a crossbody or a briefcase.

Overall, it is one of the best bags I've ever had/seen, it hasn't break which is a lot to say since my last three bags snapped as soon as I put all of my college stuff inside, it has no scratches so far and lets be honest I'm not taking care of it as I should. They might not be the more affordable bags but know that you're paying for a high quality product so nicely done it would make all of your bags look ordinary.

Choices

There is always one point in our lives, that exact moment when we need to be quite, breath in and move on. It might not be easy or not even what we want, but it's always what we need, what can make us have a better life.  We have this moments everyday, what are we having for dinner? where are we going? ... Yes all of that is necessary but is not what this is about. There has to be deeper stuff, emotional moments, radical times when everything we know blows up and we need  to decide what to do next. 

Common believe says that destiny will tell us what's the next step but, destiny is not written by the bigger power, whatever that is for every single one of us, destiny has to be created by every second we live in complete happiness or total sorrow, because at the end of the day, when we're ready to go to bed feeling warm and safe, everything that we went through is just worth it... and that is destiny. 

The different paths we might find ahead of us are just part of the life full of surprises that is expecting us, that one life we got to enjoy every little thing, feel the greatest things and cry about the saddest moments, we can decide which one we want and no matter how hard it gets, there is always hope to help us get to the next station. It's not enough to talk about it and then wait around for things to appear, even when we think we have all figured it out, paths can be tricky and part of growing up means being prepared for whatever comes, god or bad.

Our choices don't defined who we are inside, those actions are just part of the learning we are supposed to get and no school is gonna tell us how to be ready for them, I guess that's all we have at the end, the decisions we made during the short time we get to actually live. We see people suffering everyday, regreting every step they give, believing that life has some hold on them that won't let them carry on, when in reality they are not strong enough to accept how screwed their lifes are because of what they chose, because of the path they took. It's not wrong to be wrong but it is wrong to regret the things you did or said, after all no one can really tell us what to do.

Somehow life has a way to push us and take us to the side we need to walk on, people that come into our tiny personal universe, every university class we ever take, the things our parents used to tell us, those details are there for reasons that we never see clearly but at the same thing all of them take us to the next step. Imagine having one love, the biggest one of all, the one that makes you feel like you're licing a fairytale, and now imagine losing it... feeling lost and broken, staying in bed crying night after night, those feeling can either make you take bad decisions or chosing to be better, to prove the one that got away the things that he is missing out.  Those paths are the ones we should look carefully and then walk on them like every step is the last one we'll ever walk.

Thinking back, reading all those past chapters of life and feeling all those things we once felt, that's the moment when we can look back and decide if we have lived an amazing life of if we have chosed all the wrong stuff and only then we can look forward and truly decide to get even better, to fix all the wrong or to share all the good. But we can never forget that every rock we hit and every flower we smell is making us the person we are.

Murder Monday.

Everyone hates mondays, not only because most of us have to get up and do stuff, mondays are hard, they last too much, they have awful weather, let's be honest no one really wants to talk on mondays... poor monday, so young and already getting so much hate. When you think about it is not really his fault, we as humans love so much the weekend that the poor monday gets hate just because of his poorly existence.

Now, the fact that this compilation of words has taken me over a week to write tells you how much I care about this particular day. To me mondays have a weird feeling, I don't talk too much, I don't have a lot of energy and I don't even wanna move, is like the worst day of life repeating itself over and over and over again.

Mondays never bring any good, I usually mess up things, break things, don't do important things and make my significant others mad on this particular day. Basically my life is ruined every monday, even when I don't mean for it to be that way. Now I don't intend for it to be that way and this same thing can happend in any other day, it actually changes from time to time... tuesdays, fridays, I guess it depends on me and how I react to whatever life gets around me.

Me writing about mondays is not really a surprise, tomorrow it's monday and not only that, my spring break it's so over and I did not do all of the college stuff I was supossed to, yay me! Such an inspiring student. But all of my work is not actually what's got me worried, I'm seeing a pair of amazing eyes tomorrow, a pair that I miss so much, my fear about this situation is clear, isn't it? I'm not a monday girl, I react poorly to this particular day, and worst of all... I lose my ability to talk, go me!

Anyway, this poor day is not the cause of my bad mood, speechless mouth, lazy body... bla bla bla, I guess it's just me refusing to commit and do the things I'm supposed to, I've always been focus, but now every new week makes me feel more lost, I'm just kinda hoping things will work our just fine on this particular monday, they really need to.

Wow, I said monday A LOT.

So far so probably maybe good.

I ask myself if the colours around me are good enough, if the sunset is what I need to delete everything and start over but his tones don't always look good enough, they don't always feel like the end of the day, I'm quite possitive about how the sunset should be a warning about the hours I have left and still I just stare at it asking for better colours. 

Maybe that's what makes me different from everyone and maybe that's what makes me as ordinary as anyone else. People need to ask for better colours otherwise they make a monotonous and pointless life not evey body does it and I believe that's why people gets bored of their lifes and kill themselves. I'm not thinking about killing myself, at least not at this moment so I guess the sunset gave me the exact colours I was looking for.

I can't stop myself from thinking if this story will repeat itself every day, if the red, yellow and orange will always be as perfect as I saw them today and the truth is maybe not, that's why I keep asking for brighter colours with perfect shades created by the clouds and maybe a drop of rain, just one so I don't have to repaint the rainbow, after all I've never really liked those colours.

                                                            Acapulco, my one true love.    

One million nights

A lot has happened, millions of things to say. It all began a bit more than a month ago but it feels like  a life time, like two old souls finding each other after looking for a million nights just to hold their hearts and share a bit of time.

The first night together was a complete rush, a sweet cold going trough their spine making her feel alive like never before. The perfect company he creates, the warm hug and the spontaneous kiss can give her a reason to live, a reason to start all over and fall in love one last time. This first night, this perfect first night will live in her memory for as long as the sun lives to give heat to the world. Maybe that way, the next time they see each other things can be different, maybe they'll try to find time on every corner of the world just to be together one more second.

Loving him is not always easy, there is always a fear, a constant reminder of his expiration date. How can her soul let him in? how can she fall in love with him knowing the days they have left...? Loving him is like smelling the first flower that comes to alive on spring, like feeling the first drop of rain touching her skin, loving him can only bring good to her, loving him... Loving him is the best thing that's ever happened to her. Perhaps that's the reason why the expiration date is not that important.

There was a second time, a second chance for their souls to conect. Her's is stubborn and spoiled, loving and caring, his, on the other hand, is smart and thoughtful, he knows how to love in the most amazing way giving everything and taking nothing back. His soul and heart are the two things she wants to know, she wants to fall in love so deep so nothing can make her unfall from it and still during this second time, her soul was distant, not sure why but she needed to come back and tell herself things were real, she couldn't believe things could be so perfect so she pulled away for a minute and considered everything just to find herself even more in love than the last time. 

She feels happy, every bone on her body is full with love, love that he inspires just by looking into her eyes. 

Their story is just starting but somehow it feels like its already a million nights old, sometimes it feels like he already knew her, sometimes she feels like they met before in the middle of a dream or maybe in another life. The truth is finding a soul like his doesn't happen so often and once you have it you should never let him go, losing him may be the worst imaginable thing... 

Deep.

It's hard to focus on something when an image is stuck in your head, mine has a million things inside but the most important one is a pair of eyes that have made me smile since the first time I saw them. There is something I don't quite get, I keep trying to understand how he can just look at me and say all those things without saying anything at all, he has that kind of look... the one that says it all just by staring.

Try to imagine a mirror that lets you see deep into your soul, a white page that writes itself when you touch it and tells you what you need to know... that's what I feel whenever he looks at me, I don't even know what is he thinking but I get this feeling, as if he could see every detail, every thought, maybe he can, maybe not...

I have issues.

There is a moment in every writer's life when the words are stuck in our heads, at least I hope I'm not the only one with this particular issue. The ideas seem to be blurry, all the letters are just floating around with no order, basically we just can't write anything with an actual path. 

Writing is what I do, what I truly love to do and when this part of my life is blocked that means something bigger is wrong. Right now my only problem is that I have no clue on what that could be, yes I am going on crazy mode. Usually when I see a white page, my head just starts to send words, everything comes out so easy, what makes me wonder if I'm writing about the correct subject. How can it be possible that I can write about not being able to write and the minute I try to type about my life, every single thought fades away?

I should just lay on the floor and close my eyes, breath and stop thinking. I believe in destiny and maybe I'm just not supposed to write about some stuff, I should keep it to myself and just never write it down. 

The one when he makes me cry.

Not literally. He only knows how to make me feel happy, the happiest ever.

I have pages and pages written inside my head, ready to come out and be read but maybe I don't want them to see the light since I'm taking forever to actually write them. The thing is everytime I try to tell a story about how amazing his eyes looked or how soft his lips were on that particular day, he does something new and a new page is ready to born, so now I just need to write for hours to get everything out.

Maybe if I start from the actual beggining things will make more sense. Now, I just need to figure it out, when did everything actually started... Was it the night he told me he wanted a kiss? was it the day I first saw him? or maybe the first time we hold hands... Well this is awkward, I don't even know. All I know is apparently nothing. (Takes a break to ask him if he knows when it all started.. shocking news: He is not sure either. Goes back to the keyboard. Goes to whatsapp to do some research... research gives kinda of an answer) So on January 25 he said he wanted a kiss just because and maybe that was the start, I can't really tell, it just happened.

Imagine having someone that makes your life easier, that makes you feel safe, happy, loved... that's him, and that's one of the reasons why I don't really mind knowing when it actually started, I'm staying with January 28, the day we had our first kiss, the most perfect first kiss I've ever had. (Takes a break again to talk about importan dates... figures out dates and goes back to typing. God I have such a weird way of writing, Focus!)  That day he somehow managed to make me feel like the world around me didn't care anymore, all of the drama, every sad storie, all of the sad songs were just gone, and all I needed to think about was him at that moment.

I don't wanna write every detail about him, that would just mean I wanna share him with the rest of the world, I wanna keep him private, as if I could call him mine. So much has happened, I have so much to say and still I've been trying to finish this page for the last four hours, why is it so hard to find the proper words to describe him and everything he does? Maybe there is no such words, maybe I need to create new ones to tell the world how wonderful he is.

Unexpected.

Unexpected means I didn't imagine to fall for him so fast.

He is everything, as simple as it sounds. He makes me feel safe and happy, like the world has no evil in it.

Meaty, tantalizingly addictive kisses.

I keep writing about him in every piece of paper I come close to, like an idea that my mind keeps repeating with the hope that it will last forever. Watching him makes me feel happy, the world stops and it's just him in front of me with those perfect green eyes.

I tell myself I should stop, stop thinking, writing, dreaming and obviously myself and I are two different people and I don't listen to myself. That does not have any sense. What I meant was this: I wanna stop thinking about him so I don't fall for him and at the same time it's like I'm already lost. It happened so fast, and to be honest it kinda scares me a little bit. I keep wondering how can I care so much about some guy I just met, I still have no answer.

He makes it kinda hard to stay away, add that to me wanting to be with him and you'll hace chaos. We just don't fight it... that's not true, he does resist a little, but I have my ways. I don't care, I want to make sure that every second next to him is written in my memory, I never want to forget the way he talks or how he laughs too loud, his little words, those really big hands that can squeeze mine, but most of all I never wanna forget him.

I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel, it's so simple and so hard at the same time, he's becoming a huge part of my life way too fast and way too strong. How does he even do that? How does anyone gets into my life and becomes one of the biggest parts? Finding some one like him was so hard and yet caring about him has been so easy.

And then it hit me.

The fact that I have to live another goodbye may be the hardest things to do, I know I still have quite sometime but knowing that this particular story has an end is devastating. I've had some moments like this one before, some of them have been even harder to live and still this time it feels like too much.

I don't even know why I am thinking of it right now if I know that I still have a couple of months to get ready, to actually figure everything out how to actually stay while he goes away from me. I think I won't be able to sit in front of that face, to watch it one last time and just let it go. What's the point of getting to know him, to find out the secrets and dreams, what's the point of it all when we both know when it'll all end?

I think some questions are better without an answer, left alone not caring about them... that way you get to live without fear and sadness around. I've say this before, his smile gives me hope, hope to believe that things are good and life is enough. Maybe is the way he talks, how he reacts to every single thing around him, maybe it's just me with my silly idea of better days. Whatever it might be, I don't wanna lose it.

He's gonna be here in a few minutes, he's gonna hold me and kiss me, he's gonna see into my eyes and make me smiles just to leave in a couple of months. Is that cruel enough? Maybe, but that should not be the reason why we stop caring, that should make us stronger and allow us to give everything, to feel everything... That's why I will do the same, hold him, look into his eyes and smile at him just to tell him goodbye. Our hearts may be broken, we may don't feel a thing. We just have to wait and see.

New begginings.

A lot has happened since my last visit to this place, big changes and new things, old friends and new hopes. To be honest I never thought I could renew my life so fast and still I'm here smiling because of this new pair of green eyes.

Now before I actually start I must say  I've never been happier in my life therefor this was not planned and maybe that's what makes it so special. The idea of a person that can make me feel like he's always been there, like I can fully trust him and that is by far the best feeling I've had in a long time. He's a big deal, Sadly, I know I can only have him for six short months. This is the part that makes me wanna hold my distance but apparently I'm not any good at it. 

His name is not the important part, neither his hair colour or the way it never looks undone. He knows how to make me smile, and he does this cute things that I will keep with me forever. Maybe I wanna see light in the middle of darkness or maybe he is in fact one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I don't think I can know for sure but the idea sounds like a good thing. 

People used to tell me that if I ever came across something like that I should not let it go and yet I wonder, how can you keep someone that needs to go even if he doesn't wants to? Truth is life gets in the way. I hope life can make a deal with me and allow me to keep him close for as long as he wants. I don't care if he kisses me or if he holds me, just the image of him close to me feels good. I don't mean his lips are not soft enough or his arms are not strong enough, on the contrary he could be quite perfect.

To do or not to do

One of the hardest things of being a girl is deciding who is the best match for you, it should be an easy task but the actual action of telling someone that you do in fact think he's the one can be quite scary.

As you can see, I have things going on in my head and that's why I'm trying to avoid the subject by talking about my body.

So monday is a big day, I'm not looking forward for it to arrive but I also can't avoid it. The reason why monday seems like the worst day ever to me is because I have to decide if I want someone in my life or not and  honestly feel really bad about it, I would prefer not to do it but life just won't let me. I'm not sure if you've come to realize that I do have a boyfriend and that I was having doubts about my relationship, well during winter break those questions became stronger and my head has gone crazy thinking of it.

Imagine having something good, like a candy you love, but you eat it everyday without trying any other type of sweet and one day some one offers you that candy that you've been eating for the past two months non stop and you go like "no thanks, I've have a lot of those lately" which means you have been overexposed to the candies. Well, something like that has happened to me, except I'm not refering to a candy, I'm talking about my boyfriend, yes I have boy issues.

He's not actually bad, he's just always around, like freaking always. While I'm in the shower, he's sending facebook messages, while I do my make up, he won't stop talking to me, if I go out without him knowing where to, he acts like a victim, maybe is the fact that I was so happy with my single life and having someone as a constant make me feel less in confort. He is so caring and honest and I know he'll do anything for me but  I can't be happy when he's around, the idea of him annoys me and I'm sure that makes me sound like a horrible person. And I'm pretty sure he knows.

I need advice, like right now and in order to get them I'm gonna do what I always do when I have no clue of what my life should be, go to my boy-friends and let it all out. When a boy is your best friend for four years it means that he has a lot of pattiente or that he thinks of you as a sister and thank God my best friend is like a brother. His great advice is tell him the truth as simple and clean as possible even if it hurts. I'm not so sure about that, I'd rather tell him that I'm gonna move and can't see him anymore or that my fly died and I need space but obviously that won't work. So I went to my other two best boy friends and they told me the same... apparently boys think the same and they believe honesty is the best way, even if it is cruel and awful.

So, I'm gonna do the one thing I'm not good at, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a liar, I just act very well. I can't keep living like this, it's killing me inside and I deserve the chance to be happy and feel complete.

Going back to University

I'm so old.

Next monday I have to go back to class, yay! You have no idea of how much excited I am. Can you tell I'm being dramastically sarcastic?

I enjoy doing nothing, watching movies, spending a lot of time with my brother, sleeping and that's over, well not exactly right now but in less than a week. You see, is not like I don't like my university or that I don't want to study, I just need a few more days off.

I'm sure a lot of you don't really understand what I'm talking about, the university thing, but having to go away and see your family for almost no time is not as fun as it sounds. You get nostalgic, eat awful food, your laundry is massive, just imagine all of the things your mom, dad or maid does for you as if they were just an old memorie. Yes, university brings awesome experiences and great people but when you get to come back home it feels at least a little bit better.

Deep thinking

Life keeps bothering me and gets in the way of my creative mind and my white piece of paper. Is it weird that lately my mind sounds a lot like Carrie Bradshaw? And it got me thinking... stop it stop it!

Ok let's get serious, I've been doing nothing, as nothing at all. Yeah I know so much for a creative mind. But moving on, I'm back and my mind is practically exploding. This season is always challenging for me, not only because of all the time I have to spend with the family but for the lack of time I actually get to myself.

So here it is, let's begin. December was a month for revelations, yes more than one. My mind was going insane and it got me thinking.. Stop it Brandshaw! ... why do I feel like that? so I had to revaluate my entire life, every aspect of it and well, the answer is pretty dramatic.

For the past four months it's been obvious that my relationships are kinda messed up, fine totally messed up. It's part of growing up and making your own decisions, mine involve decide just for me and not for what other people want. 

The solution I came with to figure everything out was quite simple, take then as if they were the obly thing in my life, one by one. So I had my family, friends and boyfriend.

The boyfriend.

He's the worst thing on my life, I don't want him, I don't love him, I don't even like him. Everything he does bothers me,I hate his messages and his constant actions. He doesn't give me my own time, you know that time every girl needs to be with herself, I mean he won't even let me do my makeup in peace, he's annoying and I'm gonna break up with him as soon as possible.

The friends.
My friends are really not that bad, they can be quite selfish sometimes but who isn't? so I decided to give my best to them and try to get along with every aspect of their lifes.

The family.
All families have issues, well mine has not only issues, mine has wars and peace agreements. We suck but at the end of the day, I only have one brother and to be honest he's quite amazing.

Things that annoy me.

 I'm a bit hard to be around because I complain a lot about everything but there are some things that just make me go crazy, like crazy level I'm gonna stop talking to people and today I decided to share some of those things with you and the entire world.

Number One: slow walkers.

You know that moment when you're walking kinda hurry because you have to be somewhere in 2 minutes and out of nowhere some lady appears in front of you and she walks slower that a turtle. It doesn't ends there, you try to pass that person and it seems like the person in front of you is way to big for the street, even if she is like the skinnies person ever,  and there is no space for you to pass. 
That annoys me, like literally I wanna punch the person and run, seriously if you wanna walk at the speed of a sloth just go to a park or walk around your room.



Number Two: The Postman.

I know, I'm on my way to revealing I hate everybody. So, the postman. I don't know about 
all the nice men that do this work but mine is rubbish, he is a shitty person. 
He never puts my letters 
on the mailbox, he throws them into my yard, where he can see my dogs
 are and of curse my little
puppies always 
destroy them. 
So I never get my mail, and the worst part is that he actually do
 this on purpose, is not even by accident. 


Number Three: Crocs

I think this is really normal, isnt't it? Forgive me for not being original! 
But why do people do it?
why do they wear socks and crocs at the same time? 
If they're cold why don't they wear boots or snickers 
or anything else!? I don't even know why would anybody create 
such thing.


Number Four: My iPhone battery

It keeps dying, all the time, during the most important moments, why? 
why does it do it? If I have to call my dad *phone dead* Important call to mom *phone dead* Booking my flight to England
*Phone dead* WHY?
It's the worst.


Number Five: People that doesn't know how to wear leggings.

So, this is more like a girl to girl advice,  read carefully, Leggings are NOT pants, leggings are not pants.
It's not attractive to see a girl with thin leggings and white underwear, please don't do that. Your
outfit top, should cover your butt,  the only excuse you can have not to follow this rule is having a
very sexy gym butt. Please this is for our own good.

The perfect man.