What my long distance relationship has taught and keeps teaching me.

My one year anniversay is in 14 days. That's all I was thinking for the past two months, marking the days and doing a countdown when in reality I was supposed to be thinking about what to do after that one year mark and I was probably supposed to talk to my boyfriend too. 

When you decide to take the risk on a long distance relationship, no matter how short that distance is, you need to have a few things in mind, and to me that was the easy part, the hard part of all this came after a couple of months away from my boyfriend, and even if we're only four hours away, it feels like an entire universe. You need to know that I was not sure about wanting a relationship like this, and, certainly, my boyfriend was not a very big fan of the idea and somehow he agreed. 

On this seven months away, I've learnt a lot of things, but is hasn't got any easier.There are things that never change and things that need work but trust me on this one, a long distance relationship is just as hard as a normal one. So, here they are, a few of those many things I've learnt.

1. If he used to ignore his phone while you were together, he will do it when you're apart. 

I don't mean never taking your calls, but maybe send a couple of them to voicemail because he is with his best girl friend, or a bunch of college friends at this bar, he will do exactly as he wants, and you will do too. You can ignore him, get mad at him, cry, and he doesn't even have to know. It can save a lot of drama but it can also create a lot more, specially if he hangs out a lot with one particular person and decides to ignore your crazy important "what are you doing text"

2. Skype, social media, and your phone are, from the start and until you are reunited, your most dear possesions.

You can't see him, you can't hug him but you can speak a hell of a lot to him, skype is a miracle made in heaven, if your boyfriend doesn't get tired of technology, and your phone is your main communication with your partner. Embrace them, learn to love them, and don't get tired of texting and calling, ever.

3. As much as you try, you have a life apart from him, and he does too. 

He can't follow on everything that's going on 500 miles away from him and you can't either, you'll tell the most important things, you'll talk but every little detail is hard to remember. He might even forget your anniversary or your birthday, but it's not on purpose. Also, you can't both be sitting all day talking on skype, so yes you both will go out with other people, just don't ignore your phone.

4. Traveling is hard. 

"we will see each other every weekend and we'll take turns, and it'll be as if we were never apart" is not happening, traveling costs money, time and effort, you might have all of those but what about college, work and all those things? finding a weekend that suits both is not as easy as it seems. 

5. Everyone will tell you it's better to breakup.

I don't tell you what to do, so just leave me alone. 

6. You both, will have a meltdown at one point and starts consider to breakup.

This feeling will pass if you talk to each other and consider all the worthy things that the other person has. Don't let it grow, don't feed it, talk about it with your significant other and it will go away.

7. I will never get easier.

You'll never stop missing him, loving him or thinking about him, The distance won't get any shorter and the time apart will only disappear if one of you moves to the place where the other lives. But the time that you get to spend with your love one, will be the best ever. 

8. It is all worth it. 

The long nights with no sleep, the waiting, the missing and all those large phone bills are worth the effort. If you can survive a long distance relationships, then there is nothing you two can't do. 

Either you decide that a long distance relationship is for you or not, never forget that when loves goes away you need to keep the door open to let him back in. 

Put a ring on it.

For a long time I truly believed in love stories, then, on my teen years I decided that love wasn't necessary and marriage was just a paper, that finding "the one" was just an excuse for daiting. I was so wrong.

Love is a hard word to understand, it means so many things and it empties itself without a storm warning. Maybe it is natural for humans to be a little bit a afraid of it but at the same time to feel the need to find it and keep it. 

Lately I've been thinking about the actual meaning of falling in love and finding your life partner. Truth is not the nicest thing, specially when you have to agree that love is necessary just because nobody likes to be alone and lets face it, been in love feels crazy good. 

To make it easy, love, marriage, happines, kids, they are all a big package. Of curse you can choose what things you want from that box but in a dream place, you get them all and you live happy with the person you love, with your dog and three children, in a big house with amazing garden. Just like fairytales.

To be honest, even know I don't believe in that life, it seems too good, as if you cheat yourself by having all the things society told you were the answer to your sadness. 

I believe in racional decisions, falling in love is not one of those. Love comes into your life without you even realizing it is happening, and soon you become a girlfriend, a wife, a mother. Of curse you can keep your job and be an independent lady, but at the end of the day your still a woman that followed the path every other woman did and is not necessary a bad thing but it is also not the best. 

I'm starting to sound like a bitter girl with no love life, in reality I have a boyfriend and I love him, sometimes I even love him too much. He has made me change some ideas about relationships and how to deal with every detail, sometimes it feels like I need to learn again all the things I believed I knew. 

I don't think is easy for anyone to understand why, if I have a boyfriend, still don´t believe in cheesy crazy love. The answer falls itself on my own relatioship and how my boyfriend says he cares about me and he says things that could be considered cruel, and even after he apologizes for it, I don't just forget them. Yes, I do forgive him most of the times but the can´t really erase words just by repeating "I'm sorry".

In conclusion, if you find yourself deeply in love them make sure you live every second of it as if it were your last, love doesn't always lives through it all but it doesn't matter if you feel love deeply and for a short time or it you love someone for the rest of your life, the most important thing is to let yourself feel all those things. 

One million nights

A lot has happened, millions of things to say. It all began a bit more than a month ago but it feels like  a life time, like two old souls finding each other after looking for a million nights just to hold their hearts and share a bit of time.

The first night together was a complete rush, a sweet cold going trough their spine making her feel alive like never before. The perfect company he creates, the warm hug and the spontaneous kiss can give her a reason to live, a reason to start all over and fall in love one last time. This first night, this perfect first night will live in her memory for as long as the sun lives to give heat to the world. Maybe that way, the next time they see each other things can be different, maybe they'll try to find time on every corner of the world just to be together one more second.

Loving him is not always easy, there is always a fear, a constant reminder of his expiration date. How can her soul let him in? how can she fall in love with him knowing the days they have left...? Loving him is like smelling the first flower that comes to alive on spring, like feeling the first drop of rain touching her skin, loving him can only bring good to her, loving him... Loving him is the best thing that's ever happened to her. Perhaps that's the reason why the expiration date is not that important.

There was a second time, a second chance for their souls to conect. Her's is stubborn and spoiled, loving and caring, his, on the other hand, is smart and thoughtful, he knows how to love in the most amazing way giving everything and taking nothing back. His soul and heart are the two things she wants to know, she wants to fall in love so deep so nothing can make her unfall from it and still during this second time, her soul was distant, not sure why but she needed to come back and tell herself things were real, she couldn't believe things could be so perfect so she pulled away for a minute and considered everything just to find herself even more in love than the last time. 

She feels happy, every bone on her body is full with love, love that he inspires just by looking into her eyes. 

Their story is just starting but somehow it feels like its already a million nights old, sometimes it feels like he already knew her, sometimes she feels like they met before in the middle of a dream or maybe in another life. The truth is finding a soul like his doesn't happen so often and once you have it you should never let him go, losing him may be the worst imaginable thing... 

Deep.

It's hard to focus on something when an image is stuck in your head, mine has a million things inside but the most important one is a pair of eyes that have made me smile since the first time I saw them. There is something I don't quite get, I keep trying to understand how he can just look at me and say all those things without saying anything at all, he has that kind of look... the one that says it all just by staring.

Try to imagine a mirror that lets you see deep into your soul, a white page that writes itself when you touch it and tells you what you need to know... that's what I feel whenever he looks at me, I don't even know what is he thinking but I get this feeling, as if he could see every detail, every thought, maybe he can, maybe not...

To do or not to do

One of the hardest things of being a girl is deciding who is the best match for you, it should be an easy task but the actual action of telling someone that you do in fact think he's the one can be quite scary.

As you can see, I have things going on in my head and that's why I'm trying to avoid the subject by talking about my body.

So monday is a big day, I'm not looking forward for it to arrive but I also can't avoid it. The reason why monday seems like the worst day ever to me is because I have to decide if I want someone in my life or not and  honestly feel really bad about it, I would prefer not to do it but life just won't let me. I'm not sure if you've come to realize that I do have a boyfriend and that I was having doubts about my relationship, well during winter break those questions became stronger and my head has gone crazy thinking of it.

Imagine having something good, like a candy you love, but you eat it everyday without trying any other type of sweet and one day some one offers you that candy that you've been eating for the past two months non stop and you go like "no thanks, I've have a lot of those lately" which means you have been overexposed to the candies. Well, something like that has happened to me, except I'm not refering to a candy, I'm talking about my boyfriend, yes I have boy issues.

He's not actually bad, he's just always around, like freaking always. While I'm in the shower, he's sending facebook messages, while I do my make up, he won't stop talking to me, if I go out without him knowing where to, he acts like a victim, maybe is the fact that I was so happy with my single life and having someone as a constant make me feel less in confort. He is so caring and honest and I know he'll do anything for me but  I can't be happy when he's around, the idea of him annoys me and I'm sure that makes me sound like a horrible person. And I'm pretty sure he knows.

I need advice, like right now and in order to get them I'm gonna do what I always do when I have no clue of what my life should be, go to my boy-friends and let it all out. When a boy is your best friend for four years it means that he has a lot of pattiente or that he thinks of you as a sister and thank God my best friend is like a brother. His great advice is tell him the truth as simple and clean as possible even if it hurts. I'm not so sure about that, I'd rather tell him that I'm gonna move and can't see him anymore or that my fly died and I need space but obviously that won't work. So I went to my other two best boy friends and they told me the same... apparently boys think the same and they believe honesty is the best way, even if it is cruel and awful.

So, I'm gonna do the one thing I'm not good at, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a liar, I just act very well. I can't keep living like this, it's killing me inside and I deserve the chance to be happy and feel complete.