Studying a Master degree before turning 25.

If I ever want to make a life out of blogging I might as well actually write. Sorry for leaving this so abandoned, I've got tons of things to share.

Yes, as the title says I'm studying a master degree in Urban Planning (jobs offers are accepted) and yes, you read it correctly: I'm 23 years old. I know how it sounds, I know everybody thinks I'm a dumb little girl playing to be a grown up but it's actually the opposite and here is why.

I'm an architect and as an architect I don't feel quite full, I feel like things are missing and that my life has a big piece floating around, therefor I've decided to specialize in something that makes me feel a lot more happy than Architecture. Now don't get me wrong I do like my career and I do wanna work in something related and yes I do wanna design buildings but all of that is just not making me feel complete and I need to change that.

You are all probably wondering why the "before turning 25" and why is this so important... well my youngest classmate is 3 years older than me, and I even have some that are the same age as my parents. I have never met someone my age doing the same and every one I know is judging me because of it. I know everyone thinks I'm too young and unexperienced, as if young could mean I'm not capable, again is totally the opposite but for the purpose of this post I'm gonna list a few pros and cons of studying a master degree before turning 25 years old

Let's talk negative first, just for the pleasure of it and because there's not a lot of bad things to say.

1. People will think you're just avoinding your reality and afraid of getting a job. Which may be true, but in my case studying a master means a better job and more money. I'm not trying to sound greedy or encourage anyone to take jobs just to make money but do get a job that will pay enough for all the things you want and that is gonna make you happy. If I stay as a simple architect, at least in my country, the only way to make money is building things and I'm more into architectural design, urban design therefor I need something extra on my resumé. 

2. Your classmates will make fun of you for been too young. It's not your fault that you got the opportunity to study a master at such young age, it is also not your fault they only got the chance 20 years after college. I don't care if I'm "too young" because I'm not, I know way more stuff about my master that half of my class and I got the best score at the admission process without making notes, studying or anything like that. Plus, I'm gonna be a Master in Urban Planning at 25, making me extremely competitive.

3. Say goodbye to your free time, or your friends, or your boyfriend/girlfriend, or job. You can't have it all, and you're gonna have to pick between having a social life, studying and having a job, because it's true... you can only have two of those things at the same time, trust me a master degree needs a lot of attention and you will miss a lot of parties, reunions, shopping days....

Now for the positive part of this post, it's quite simple... Having a master degree at 25 will make you a valuable worker, you'll get pay more, you'll have a better job and therefor a better life, and you get to do exactly what you want. If you ask me, that is way more important than your old calssmates feeling threatened by a little girl that's half their age. 

I don't know if you all should follow my steps, or if my path is the right one but what I do know is that it looks scary but in reality I'm having a great time learning about exactly what I wanna learn.

Love, 

J.

What I lived while my mom was dying of cancer.

My mom was diagnosed with breast and bone cancer two days before my 21th birthday. I didn't get a big party with friends but I got to keep my mom. 

Nobody took a minute to sit and explain to me how hard will it actually be, how many things was I gonna think and how many of them would make me cry. Nobody told me that everything was going to be different, maybe not completely but different at some level. No doctor, nurse or psychologist told me that cancer doesn't just kill the person that is sick, it kills everything around it, people, pets, relationships... nobody bother into telling me that I was going to feel scared every time I have a cold, or a weird pain. 

You all might think this is a very selfish thing to be writting about but when you become the daugther of a cancer pacient and hopefully a cancer survivor, selfish is the last thing you are. I'm trying to get this out because I'm sure there are more girls like me, that know how big the risk can be and how the fear is a real thing. I'm writing this because I'm sure there is at least one girl or boy feeling the same things and can relate to me.

When the doctor told my mom, my dad and me, that she had a stage four cancer... well let's just say it doesn't really gets worst than that. I remember texting my little brother, who at the moment was only 16 years old, to let him know that it was in fact cancer. I don't think I'd ever done anything harder in my life. And the drive home is a blurr, I don't remember anything else from that day, I don't remember if we stayed at the hospital, I don't remember if we drove back right after that, I just don't remember anything. I think that was the day my mom had her firts chemotherapy, but I'm not entirely sure. 

I also can't remember how I told my friends, I can only remember that I told to my two best male friends and my best girl friend. I remember calling one of my male friends and telling him that I was sad because I didn't knew if my mom was ever gonna be there to help me get my wedding dress, or watching me graduate from university, I told him I was scared to leave my house to go to class because I didn't wanted to let her alone and that everytime I left the house I was too scare because I could only think about something bad happening and I even told him that I wanted to take a break from university to be with my mom. I can't actually remember what he answered me, but he said that things had to get better and that I shouldn't worry because he knew she would be just fine. In that moment I knew he was the greatest friend I'm ever gonna have.

The day I saw my mom losing her hair, I wanted to cry and hug her, but I knew that she needed support, so I told her some stuff about getting a pink wig and just laugh about it, I don't know if it helped but I never wanted for her to see the actual damage that her disease was causing me. She then decided to buy the most awful red haired wig ever, which she finally changed to a very pretty brunette one that I helped her pick. And I know for a fact that this moment actually helped her. 

What I'm trying to say with all of this is that, no one got me ready for this or asked how I was doing... and pitty eyes also not a very good way to help. I think every kid, teenager or even adult, should write about what this situations, to help each other... after all nobody else can get it better that another son or daugther of a cancer patient.

I really hope this helps someone, or at least make them realize that it might be hard but it eventually ends.

Love, 

J.

Harry Styles Fan Fiction.

I would like to say that I do believe Harry Styles has a good voice, an amazing way of dressing and his man bun is cool. (although I kinda like him to cut his hair, too much going on up there)

One day I was obsessing on Instagram, as I usually do and I found this cool picture of Harry, looking fit as ever and you could read some story "Imagine... Harry and you have been friends since High School and now that he's on tour so much you barely see him but he never forgets about you, still you can't tell him about your true feelings..."  It just got my attention and three hours later I had read lots of this little stories written by fans, directioners, teenage girls that are madly in love with this guy. 

So, as a social experiment (and by social I mean only me), I decided to read this images with an open mind and putting my name in the story every time I saw a "y/n"  or "y/l/n" which by the way took me too long to understand and made me feel old.  Anyway, I read this stories and even as most of them are the same and/or based on 50 Shades of Grey, they do make you want to read more, they are little fairy tales that girls around the world are creating, with good story lines (most of them) and good grammar, so it just got me thinking that these girls could easily become writers, real writers, but the world is too busy letting youtubers and pointless people write the books that this girls are buying. 

The stories, like I said are pretty much the same over and over again. Either Harry is their best friend that later falls in love with them/was in love with them from the beginning or Harry is already their boyfriend and cheats on them just to realize that he does not want any other person since their were his one true love from the start but in both scenarios they have sex which, if you're not a virgin, can pretty much tell is written in a very shy way, with no idea of what actually happens during sex, I mean girls, no body can just jump from having sex to orgasm to having sex to orgasm again in just one scene, that's not real life, I mean you have to rest a little bit. 

Now, I was not sure if I needed to call on someone's parents or take some girls to therapy but I got to a point where I was a bit scared especially when I found this story about Harry being a rapist and kidnapping girls or all of those "imagines" where he is a crazy "I beat everything" boyfriend/husband. Now, this girls have issues, you can't write about love if someone is beating you up in the story, or  if the guy rapes you and then fall in love... I'm sure those things are as far away from reality as it gets. I was not sure about what to think or say, and the worst part was that lots of girls were commenting, and I quote, "I love this, please keep writing". I'm no one to judge or comment on those girls but maybe they need to talk to some adult or just anybody and stay away from the internet for a little time. 

These fan fiction got real when I switched from Instagram to Tumblr, oh my God. I found so many long, and I mean reaaally long sex fictional stories with lots of details, so obviously they are not written by the sames girls, but in most of these girls (or you, since you put your name on those stories) are strippers or were strippers and Harry saved them from that life (WHAT!). And then there are lots of blogs where you can just read a bit of everything, from the cutest thing to the "my boyfriend is gonna kill me" one. 

The One Direction phenomenon is so crazy and big that girls are not only crushing on them, they are creating fictional lifes with big houses, kids and touring around the world with the 5 boys because they can't picture themselves having all of that with a normal guy, normal guys are not enough and never will because they have this idea of Harry or Zayn or Louis falling madly in love with them just after a week, when in reality they only date 5'10 model looking girls and given the fact that the majority of teenagers girls are not 5'10 with blond hair and a body of a super model, I find it hard to believe that they would even notice them in a crowd. 

I don't wanna sound like a bitter 23 years old girl but what I'm trying to say is that there are actually a lot of handsome, amazing guys out there that all of these girls are losing because they are too busy writing themselves a perfect life next to 1D. 

All the love, 

xx

J.

Update.

I wanna say that I have a good reason to leave my blog in the dark but in reality, I don't even have a bad one.

You know how some times you just need to have time alone and think about your life and just figure what to do? Well, that's not my case either. Truth is I haven't feel the need to write about things in general but today is a really crappy day and well, I like to write my issues away.

Between a weird family, a not so great boyfriend and a lot of Harry Styles fan fiction, I think I may need medication or just time off. See, the thing is my life was going just great and I just blink and every single thing went to hell. My parents suddenly decided to get a divorce, my brother went mad and decided he hates college and doesn't know what to do with his life, my boyfriend is acting like a dickhead (if you're 17 or less, pretend I wrote dumbass so it doesn't sound as bad) and my thesis degree is not going well at all. I'm a total mess.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life can be shit but even when things get hard there is always something that can make your day better, to me that thing is writing but to other it can be sports or music. Whatever it is just go and do it and don't let life take your happiness away, For the record I did not planned for this to become an inspirational post, it just happened.

So, while I fix my life and get every piece in order maybe I should just write about the actual good things that are happening instead of writing all the bad and leave the happy memories in my head. After all, who like reading depressing stuff? Not even Bella Swan, and God knows that poor girl was always sad.


Love,

J.


Ps. Yes, my name starts with a J.  

What my long distance relationship has taught and keeps teaching me.

My one year anniversay is in 14 days. That's all I was thinking for the past two months, marking the days and doing a countdown when in reality I was supposed to be thinking about what to do after that one year mark and I was probably supposed to talk to my boyfriend too. 

When you decide to take the risk on a long distance relationship, no matter how short that distance is, you need to have a few things in mind, and to me that was the easy part, the hard part of all this came after a couple of months away from my boyfriend, and even if we're only four hours away, it feels like an entire universe. You need to know that I was not sure about wanting a relationship like this, and, certainly, my boyfriend was not a very big fan of the idea and somehow he agreed. 

On this seven months away, I've learnt a lot of things, but is hasn't got any easier.There are things that never change and things that need work but trust me on this one, a long distance relationship is just as hard as a normal one. So, here they are, a few of those many things I've learnt.

1. If he used to ignore his phone while you were together, he will do it when you're apart. 

I don't mean never taking your calls, but maybe send a couple of them to voicemail because he is with his best girl friend, or a bunch of college friends at this bar, he will do exactly as he wants, and you will do too. You can ignore him, get mad at him, cry, and he doesn't even have to know. It can save a lot of drama but it can also create a lot more, specially if he hangs out a lot with one particular person and decides to ignore your crazy important "what are you doing text"

2. Skype, social media, and your phone are, from the start and until you are reunited, your most dear possesions.

You can't see him, you can't hug him but you can speak a hell of a lot to him, skype is a miracle made in heaven, if your boyfriend doesn't get tired of technology, and your phone is your main communication with your partner. Embrace them, learn to love them, and don't get tired of texting and calling, ever.

3. As much as you try, you have a life apart from him, and he does too. 

He can't follow on everything that's going on 500 miles away from him and you can't either, you'll tell the most important things, you'll talk but every little detail is hard to remember. He might even forget your anniversary or your birthday, but it's not on purpose. Also, you can't both be sitting all day talking on skype, so yes you both will go out with other people, just don't ignore your phone.

4. Traveling is hard. 

"we will see each other every weekend and we'll take turns, and it'll be as if we were never apart" is not happening, traveling costs money, time and effort, you might have all of those but what about college, work and all those things? finding a weekend that suits both is not as easy as it seems. 

5. Everyone will tell you it's better to breakup.

I don't tell you what to do, so just leave me alone. 

6. You both, will have a meltdown at one point and starts consider to breakup.

This feeling will pass if you talk to each other and consider all the worthy things that the other person has. Don't let it grow, don't feed it, talk about it with your significant other and it will go away.

7. I will never get easier.

You'll never stop missing him, loving him or thinking about him, The distance won't get any shorter and the time apart will only disappear if one of you moves to the place where the other lives. But the time that you get to spend with your love one, will be the best ever. 

8. It is all worth it. 

The long nights with no sleep, the waiting, the missing and all those large phone bills are worth the effort. If you can survive a long distance relationships, then there is nothing you two can't do. 

Either you decide that a long distance relationship is for you or not, never forget that when loves goes away you need to keep the door open to let him back in. 

First writing of the year.

Haven't been here since last year.... bad joke, I know. I'm stupid, I'm sorry.

How is 2015 looking so far? Mine seem to have started the way 2014 went on for the last month, I feel like a truck crushed me and someone tried to put me back together, but with some missing pieces and not everything its in it's place. It might not be clear or make a lot of sense, trust me, even for me it feel confusing.

Someone once told me that one of the reasons to keep going is love and when love is lost you have to rely on everything else, leaving a door open so it can return and make you happy again but what if love is not lost but still refuses to get in? what do you do then, because it freaking hurts as hell and it surely makes you feel like the world is pointless. What if love feels obligated to be inside when all it wants is to see the world and be free... nobody told me what to do in that situation. I'm sorry about the obvious depressive state that I might put you in, but as Olly Murs would say: Dear Darling please excuse my writing. 

That last weeks of 2014 were supposed to be the most exciting and happy ever, I was supposed to feel complete, with my family, my boyfriend, my career, and university finally over but instead it turned out to be one of the saddest, loneliest moments of my life. All I did was crying, fighting with the people I love and pushing everyone away from me, because I, apparently, hate being happy.

I feel like I screwed up every good thing and the ones that I didn't ruined, were also screwed up by life. So yeah, 2014 was not my best year. And the 3 days that 2015 has giving me so far, haven't been so good either. I even got mad at God for all the things happening around, but obviously is not really his fault, I just need someone to blame. 

I'm hoping for a much better year this time, I got some huge changes ahead of me and some big important life changing decisions to make and I'm hoping to know how to chose this time. Technically I should be ready but I don't feel quite there yet, only time will tell.