Reasons why Nicholas Sparks ruined my love life.

Every girl loves a good love story, romance and a prince charming, and that is just what Nicholas gives us in every book/movie. 

I started notice that he had ruined my love life when I found myself watching his movies everytime something was wrong in my relationships, finding confort while watching John, Noah, Will, Alex, Dawson, Luke, Landon, (yes, I'm assuming you know everyone of them, if not then go watch every Sparks movie now) all of those characters were messing with my reality and giving me some weird unreachable love story, because those guys are sensitive, honest and don't let... come on Nicholas, if you actually know a guy like that please send him my way.

Is not that I hate guys and live a bitter life, I love love and chessy stuff, I believe in soul mates and adore romantic films, but I had to learn to make boundaries between all of the fairytales and the reality of caring about a guy that eats pure junk food, hates exercise a lot and is rude to my friends. In fact, all of those past relationships made me realize that I was living a huge lie and here are the reason why:

1. I was pushing my partner to be someone he was not, meaning I was trying for them (as in my ex boyfriends) to act like one of those characters, with the big romantic moves and all the public display of love. Yeah, they were never gonna act like that. 

2. I was never truly happy in my relationships because they were never right and I was trying to forced them into a similar one to the notebook. Which of curse now that I think about it was amazingly wrong and I was inside a vicious circle going from one bad relationship to a worst one.

3. I couldn't find a right guy because I was trying to create one. Sounds like I was experimenting but I guess that's really the only way to put it. I was so worried about having a perfect boyfriend that I never saw the good guys around me, that could actually be nice and caring. Never do this, if something doesn't feel right, then never try to force it, I learned that the hard way and now I'm dating a really nice guy that makes me forget about all of the Nicholas Sparks clichés.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is never a fairytale and we should be able to write our own stories and not following what other people think love should be or friendships or family, we all get to live our lifes and create our own stories, embrace that and you'll find yourself way more happy.

I'm not sure about what exactly did I write in here but I hope is not just a bunch of nonesense. 

Love, J. 

To do or not to do

One of the hardest things of being a girl is deciding who is the best match for you, it should be an easy task but the actual action of telling someone that you do in fact think he's the one can be quite scary.

As you can see, I have things going on in my head and that's why I'm trying to avoid the subject by talking about my body.

So monday is a big day, I'm not looking forward for it to arrive but I also can't avoid it. The reason why monday seems like the worst day ever to me is because I have to decide if I want someone in my life or not and  honestly feel really bad about it, I would prefer not to do it but life just won't let me. I'm not sure if you've come to realize that I do have a boyfriend and that I was having doubts about my relationship, well during winter break those questions became stronger and my head has gone crazy thinking of it.

Imagine having something good, like a candy you love, but you eat it everyday without trying any other type of sweet and one day some one offers you that candy that you've been eating for the past two months non stop and you go like "no thanks, I've have a lot of those lately" which means you have been overexposed to the candies. Well, something like that has happened to me, except I'm not refering to a candy, I'm talking about my boyfriend, yes I have boy issues.

He's not actually bad, he's just always around, like freaking always. While I'm in the shower, he's sending facebook messages, while I do my make up, he won't stop talking to me, if I go out without him knowing where to, he acts like a victim, maybe is the fact that I was so happy with my single life and having someone as a constant make me feel less in confort. He is so caring and honest and I know he'll do anything for me but  I can't be happy when he's around, the idea of him annoys me and I'm sure that makes me sound like a horrible person. And I'm pretty sure he knows.

I need advice, like right now and in order to get them I'm gonna do what I always do when I have no clue of what my life should be, go to my boy-friends and let it all out. When a boy is your best friend for four years it means that he has a lot of pattiente or that he thinks of you as a sister and thank God my best friend is like a brother. His great advice is tell him the truth as simple and clean as possible even if it hurts. I'm not so sure about that, I'd rather tell him that I'm gonna move and can't see him anymore or that my fly died and I need space but obviously that won't work. So I went to my other two best boy friends and they told me the same... apparently boys think the same and they believe honesty is the best way, even if it is cruel and awful.

So, I'm gonna do the one thing I'm not good at, I'm gonna be 100% honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a liar, I just act very well. I can't keep living like this, it's killing me inside and I deserve the chance to be happy and feel complete.

Currently

I was gonna write a very dumb thing, well I will write a very dumb thing but right now I kinda need to type about me. Trust me, this is not me talking about how awesome I am, is more meaninfull...

Lately I've been feeling that something is wrong with me, the confidence that I always have is gone or something like that, I feel empty, alone, heartbroken and I don't know how to fix myself, it's like everything I was a month ago is just gone, all the things that I just to care about lost the importance that they had. I don't really understand what happened, one day I just woke up feeling like this.

I've come to realize that this year's Christmas could be the last one that I spend with my mom, that this New Year could be the last one that I'll start next to her, that she may never cook a family meal, and I never really valued all the little things she used to do, I never imagined that she wouldn't be here. I'm living with this constant fear of losing her, I don't even wanna go out with my friends because I feel like I have no time to waste and every second counts. She told me today that she wanted to see her brothers in case she won't have another chance and even though I hate that idea, she's right, I need to live every day thinking it may be her last and that fucking feeling is the worst thing ever, I seriously won't want anybody feeling like that, not even my worst enemy.



This was probably one of the hardest years I've ever had, I got my heart broken, I lost a very important person over some stupid fight, my mom, lots of dramas, things just keep getting worst and worst and while I'm trying to fix some things, new troubles appear and everything get so complicated. Sometimes it doesn't even makes sense, I don't know how things got this bad.