The one when he makes me cry.

Not literally. He only knows how to make me feel happy, the happiest ever.

I have pages and pages written inside my head, ready to come out and be read but maybe I don't want them to see the light since I'm taking forever to actually write them. The thing is everytime I try to tell a story about how amazing his eyes looked or how soft his lips were on that particular day, he does something new and a new page is ready to born, so now I just need to write for hours to get everything out.

Maybe if I start from the actual beggining things will make more sense. Now, I just need to figure it out, when did everything actually started... Was it the night he told me he wanted a kiss? was it the day I first saw him? or maybe the first time we hold hands... Well this is awkward, I don't even know. All I know is apparently nothing. (Takes a break to ask him if he knows when it all started.. shocking news: He is not sure either. Goes back to the keyboard. Goes to whatsapp to do some research... research gives kinda of an answer) So on January 25 he said he wanted a kiss just because and maybe that was the start, I can't really tell, it just happened.

Imagine having someone that makes your life easier, that makes you feel safe, happy, loved... that's him, and that's one of the reasons why I don't really mind knowing when it actually started, I'm staying with January 28, the day we had our first kiss, the most perfect first kiss I've ever had. (Takes a break again to talk about importan dates... figures out dates and goes back to typing. God I have such a weird way of writing, Focus!)  That day he somehow managed to make me feel like the world around me didn't care anymore, all of the drama, every sad storie, all of the sad songs were just gone, and all I needed to think about was him at that moment.

I don't wanna write every detail about him, that would just mean I wanna share him with the rest of the world, I wanna keep him private, as if I could call him mine. So much has happened, I have so much to say and still I've been trying to finish this page for the last four hours, why is it so hard to find the proper words to describe him and everything he does? Maybe there is no such words, maybe I need to create new ones to tell the world how wonderful he is.

Meaty, tantalizingly addictive kisses.

I keep writing about him in every piece of paper I come close to, like an idea that my mind keeps repeating with the hope that it will last forever. Watching him makes me feel happy, the world stops and it's just him in front of me with those perfect green eyes.

I tell myself I should stop, stop thinking, writing, dreaming and obviously myself and I are two different people and I don't listen to myself. That does not have any sense. What I meant was this: I wanna stop thinking about him so I don't fall for him and at the same time it's like I'm already lost. It happened so fast, and to be honest it kinda scares me a little bit. I keep wondering how can I care so much about some guy I just met, I still have no answer.

He makes it kinda hard to stay away, add that to me wanting to be with him and you'll hace chaos. We just don't fight it... that's not true, he does resist a little, but I have my ways. I don't care, I want to make sure that every second next to him is written in my memory, I never want to forget the way he talks or how he laughs too loud, his little words, those really big hands that can squeeze mine, but most of all I never wanna forget him.

I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel, it's so simple and so hard at the same time, he's becoming a huge part of my life way too fast and way too strong. How does he even do that? How does anyone gets into my life and becomes one of the biggest parts? Finding some one like him was so hard and yet caring about him has been so easy.

New begginings.

A lot has happened since my last visit to this place, big changes and new things, old friends and new hopes. To be honest I never thought I could renew my life so fast and still I'm here smiling because of this new pair of green eyes.

Now before I actually start I must say  I've never been happier in my life therefor this was not planned and maybe that's what makes it so special. The idea of a person that can make me feel like he's always been there, like I can fully trust him and that is by far the best feeling I've had in a long time. He's a big deal, Sadly, I know I can only have him for six short months. This is the part that makes me wanna hold my distance but apparently I'm not any good at it. 

His name is not the important part, neither his hair colour or the way it never looks undone. He knows how to make me smile, and he does this cute things that I will keep with me forever. Maybe I wanna see light in the middle of darkness or maybe he is in fact one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I don't think I can know for sure but the idea sounds like a good thing. 

People used to tell me that if I ever came across something like that I should not let it go and yet I wonder, how can you keep someone that needs to go even if he doesn't wants to? Truth is life gets in the way. I hope life can make a deal with me and allow me to keep him close for as long as he wants. I don't care if he kisses me or if he holds me, just the image of him close to me feels good. I don't mean his lips are not soft enough or his arms are not strong enough, on the contrary he could be quite perfect.

Just a story inside the fairy tale

Is not like I've forgotten, life just gets in the way.


I had a break up that not only ended my relationship with someone, it also broke my heart, damage a part of me. It was not my boyfriend, it was not my best friend, just a simple guy that became too much in a small amount of time. The truth is I was expecting it from a long time ago, but when it actually happened I did not know what to do, how to act or even if I could still see him walking around the same city.

It all started the day we met, I won't lie and say we instantly conect, but we did saw something in each other. He and I, both of us, felt like we could be just us and that's what we did. I can honestly say that in less that a month we were friends, we would spend all of our free time together and that felt pretty cool. Dinners, meals, breakfast, movies, ice cream, we did everything.

I won't say his name and I won't blame it on him, that would be just selfish and I don't want that.The official story is that we just started to get tired of each other, but the truth is we were getting way to close, and he decided it was better to walk away. Maybe he did the best thing, he saved us the effort and the "we're just friends" talk, which broke me a little but it also made me feel relief.

This happened more than once, I would consider that as a really stupid  way of having a relationship, but when it comes to him, it was never enough. He made me think I was wrong, I was acting like a child, imagining things and pretending to be more worried about the entire situation.

To make this story shorter, I'll just say a couple of things... We kiss, we huged, we ate, we talked, we even cooked together more than once but still we just weren't meant to be. Not a couple, not friends, just two weird people pretending to be fine.

The day we stopped talking, we said things, we didn't care about the other, we were stupid. He became a dream, and I didn't wanted to wake up. Sadly we never really had the time to fix what was fixable and things stayed broken. I remember watching him passing right next to me and feel the need to talk to him but my pride was stronger and I didn't say a word, that was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Finally the day arrived, the last day ... I wanted to be there, but he wasn't worth it, I decided not to see him and I don't know if I'm ok with my decision. He was important in a way that not a lot of people is, and now we can't even stand each other.

He was after all, one of my hardest goodbyes.